


Every Little Thing's Gonna Be Alright

by tooyoung_toodumb



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-11 08:55:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 25,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28348773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tooyoung_toodumb/pseuds/tooyoung_toodumb
Summary: When Evelyn finds the nerve to return home and face her problems, things are not exactly rosy. But with the right people by her side willing to help her and new meetings on the horizon, every little thing's gonna be alright.
Relationships: ben chilwell/original character, jack grealish/original character
Comments: 3
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! Just a little note to say english is not my first language so be kind if you find some mistake! Hope you'll like it.

When he opened the door that afternoon he would never have expected that. Ben stares at the girl in front of him. Lost, trying to absorb as much of what he has in front of him as possible. He thinks that his ears even shut for a few seconds because of the surprise, he hasn't seen her for months and now he even starts to put two and two together. All those strange excuses for not going to see him or their parents, the strange feeling that something was wrong. All because she was busy hiding that secret, all because she's pregnant.

"Ben" he must look like a fool, standing there with his mouth open. His hand tightened on the door handle, while the girl looks at him intimidated but also confident in a positive reaction, hoping that their lifelong bond won't shake just because of... that.

He moves away from the door without saying anything, allowing her to enter, but without ever moving his eyes from her belly. How far along could she be, six months more or less? He asks himself. And then he steps forward to take the duffel bag from her hands, but she shakes her head bringing it more towards her body. "Oh no it's fine, it's not that heavy" she smiles and silence falls again in that entrance. The two of them look at each other don't saying a word.

"Ben, hey you got lost?" a voice comes from the hallway, closer and closer, till a head appears from the living room where she and the boy were just before enjoying a quiet evening before the doorbell rang.

Ben clears his throat, "I'm here. Ehm Deb, do you remember my sister Evelyn?"

"Oh Evelyn right! Hey nice to finally meet you in person" the girl stops a few steps away from both of them with a sincere smile on her lips. There were only a few times she had been able to have a conversation with her boyfriend's sister - the fact their relationship had started a little less than a year earlier and that the girl no longer lived nearby had mainly contributed - but she had heard so much about her through Ben.

"Come on, don't just stand there, come and sit down! I can guess your back will be grateful" and she tries to mediate in that situation capturing the tension that is forming between the two of them. Someone has to do it and considering that Ben seems to be lost in his head and never even mentioned that he was going to be an uncle, well it seems like it's up to her.

The newcomer smiles sincerely, letting the girl guide her to the sofa, where she sits carefully. And she would expect to be followed by her brother but that doesn't happen and it kind of hurts a bit, I mean she thought something like that would happen but it still hurts.

"Make yourself comfortable while I go get something to drink. Is water okay?" Deb gesticulates talking fast and backwards in the meantime, while Evelyn nods distractedly, having no time to react in any other way.

She has to understand what's going through Ben's head and also quite quickly, so she takes him by the hand dragging him into the kitchen while he's taking his time entering the living room.

"Ben, hey. Are you okay?" she asks gently, caressing his cheek and looking at him carefully. His gaze seems to be lost somewhere and when his eyes look at hers, something seems to click into him.

"She is..."

"Pregnant? No offence, but it's clear" she finishes the sentence earning the first real reaction from him who looks at her badly.

"Sorry, but it's the truth"

"She's been away so long and then now... Why didn't she tell anyone?"

"I don't know Ben, I don't know" she sighs, too, not breaking eye contact, "But now she's here, at your place. There must be a reason, right? Don't you want to know?" her thumb doesn't stop moving on his cheek and together with her sweet voice she really hopes it will reassure him someway.

He nods sighing, not hinting at moving though. "Listen, I can go if you want to talk to her alone"

"No. There's no need to, really. You can stay"

"Okay" Deb gets up on her toes, leaving a kiss on his lips before moving away and doing the task for which she went to the kitchen in the first place. After filling the glass she takes Ben's hand and he lets himself be carried away to his sister.

He would never really say that, that he would be afraid to talk to his own sister. Not even when they were fighting as children. He was angry with her, he teased her to make her nervous, but he had never, ever felt so nervous. And she certainly didn't feel any less, looking around to ease some tension while waiting, a hand caressing her belly distractedly.

"Sorry for the wait" Deb hands her the glass that Evelyn accepts with a slight smile, turning it over in her hands and being careful not to spill it.

She and Ben sit on the other side of that L-shaped couch and Evelyn has a sense of deja-vu for a moment, when she found herself in a similar situation with her parents when she announced she was leaving not long before. Now the situation is slightly different with the two guys in place, but she always feels the same way. Nervous and trembling, but also ready to take the brunt of her decision.

"You don't have to talk to me if you don't want Benny, but at least listen to me... please"

"I know I should say something and I assure you I have a lot of questions to ask you, but I... how, when, why?" mutters Ben, his look passing from his sister's face to her belly and back.

She nods as Ben passes his hand over his face sighing and Deb gently squeezes her hand on his leg to transmit her presence.

"I don't know where to start, God" Evelyn takes a deep breath and stretches herself slightly to place the glass on the table in front of her.

"I met this person some time ago. It was like love at first sight, we spent a lot of time together and I really believed I could build something for the long term you know" her gaze shakes for an instant at the memory of the last few months, "and then we... you know, we slept together and then again and-"

"I don't... want to know this part" interrupts Ben, even though he's not a saint in that sense he doesn't want to imagine his sister sleeping with a guy. Especially if he got the end of the story right.

"And I got pregnant, Ben" she continues, "I got pregnant and he didn't want to deal with it. He was quite clear about it and I even humiliated myself in front of him, so much so that for a while I even struggled to recognise myself" she shakes her head lowering it and looking at an indefinite spot on the carpet under her feet.

"Why did you keep this from us? Why didn't you tell me?" Ben's question resonates in that room as if he spoke into a microphone, loud and clear. While Deb remains there, helpless to listen while various emotions flow inside her, both for the girl and especially for Ben who knows better between the two of them. But everyone at that moment could pick up the pain in his voice.

"I was fired. In my contract there was this clause... I shouldn't have had children at least for the first two years of work for the company and when I signed it I didn't mind at all because no boyfriend, no children. And then, well, no job, no house..."

"You know you can stay here as long as you want" he cuts her off and her heart aches for a moment, even though he's her brother and she knows him she wasn't so sure he wouldn't turn his back on her.

"I told you all it was the right thing to do, that I had to do it to start living my life. To cope with everything on my own. And instead I let everyone down. Pregnant at twenty-two, alone and without a home or a job. How could I come back?!"

"We're your family, we would have been there for you anyway. I would have supported you anyway"

"I was wrong, I know. And every day passing it was harder and harder to go back. I'm sorry, it looks like mum was right after all anyway"

"No" Ben gets up from his seat to crouch down in front of his sister, "no hey, look at me. I know mum was always afraid to let us go. Especially you being her little girl. But you made your own choices, to grow up, you said so yourself. It's only fair that we make our own choices and our own mistakes"

"This is more than a mistake"

"She'll understand, you just have to talk to her"

"I can't"

"Yes you can, you have me by your side... forever, no matter what" a tear falls on her cheek, promptly wiped away by Ben's thumb smiling reassuringly.

"You can stay in the guest room for as long as you want, Deb and I will help you with whatever you may need for you and for the baby"

"Can we talk about this another time? I'd be a little tired"

"Sure, sure. Go and rest now" one last caress before he gets up and lets her do the same. Deb smiles at her as she passes by and Ben follows her with his gaze.

"Lyn" he calls her back one last time before she can disappear into the guest room, she turns around and he wraps his arms around her.

"I should have done it as soon as I saw you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading this thank you! You can also find me on Tumblr ( [chilly-my-softly](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/chilly-me-softly) )


	2. Chapter 2

"It's a girl" Evelyn announces that morning in the middle of breakfast, the sound of a fork hitting the table immediately follows. it slipped out of Ben's hand for the surprise.

When Ben had gone to check on her the night before and put the bag she had forgotten in the living room at the foot of the bed, the girl was sleeping. She had one hand on her belly as if to protect it and he didn't feel like waking her up, so there was no way to continue chatting. He wanted to ask her so many things and yet he still didn't feel completely comfortable to start a conversation at the moment. Maybe after practice everything would have been clearer, who knows.

"My God" he murmurs, making Deb giggle, who stayed for the night at Ben's request, and Evelyn also lets herself go briefly to an amused grimace.

"How far along are you?"

"In two days I'll be in the seventh month"

"And have you decided on a name yet?" she shakes her head looking at them in front of her. "For the moment she's the baby. That's also one of the things I'm supposed to face but I can't" she says sarcastically shrugging and the two look at each other briefly before Ben's hand reaches out to one of his sister's hands.

"We can help you if you'd like" Evelyn smiles without adding anything else, her sight blurred by tears and the familiar ringing tone of her phone giving her a good way out at that moment.

"Hey you" Deb immediately shifts her attention to Ben by stroking his back, "you can't keep stalling every time your sister opens her mouth" she jokes, bending over to give him a kiss on the shoulder.

"I know, but it's still a lot to absorb and... a little girl" a veil of emotion covers his eyes as he looks at his girlfriend and she caresses his cheek looking at him as well.

"You are a good brother Ben" he closes his eyes for a moment, enjoying those touches and letting himself be pampered.

"I have to talk to her, I have to-"

"Oh" Evelyn coming back into the kitchen interrupting that moment and whatever Ben was about to say. "Sorry"

"It's okay don't worry" Ben smiles at her as he approaches her to wrap her in his arms.

"I gotta go to practice, see you later?"

"Oh before I forget, so can I bring my stuff here right? It doesn't bother you, does it?"

"Of course not sis, make yourself at home"

"It's not so much stuff I promised, it's just that-"

"Lyn" Ben takes her face in his hands making sure she looks him in the eye, "when I said you can stay as long as you want I meant it. Make yourself comfortable and don't feel guilty about anything, okay? We'll get you settled as soon as your stuff arrives"

"Thank you" she whispers.

"And then it'll be fun. We've never lived together by ourselves" the boy shrugs as she raises her eyes to the sky.

"Fun's not really the term I'd use"

"Don't worry, we'll be fine" and for the first time Ben passes his arm around her shoulders and puts his other hand on her belly. The two siblings look at each other with complicity, maybe it could really be okay.

-

Ben comes home after training and finds it very quiet. Not that he had guests every night, but since things had become more serious between him and Deb, so serious that they exchanged keys to their respective houses, when he returned she was always there waiting for him.

In his time away from home he had been able to think about the situation freely. He had always thought that he had a relationship that went beyond brotherhood with his sister, that they could tell each other everything. But she didn't feel comfortable enough to talk to him in her time of need. She treated him like an acquaintance, one of those people who find out things by chance. And it hurts, more than anything.

But she's his sister, he would never turn his back on her. Even if sometimes he didn't understand her actions or was angry with her. He promised that to her when she was sick one time, but he knew that there was an even greater meaning behind those words. He was the older brother and older brothers always worry about the younger ones, right?

Only the light in her sister's room is on, signalling that someone is there anyway, so he goes there to let her know he's back. He is almost at the door when he hears some laughter and a smile naturally appears on his face too, because he recognizes both of them; his sister's, so loud and contagious, and his girlfriend's, a bit shyer but always from the heart.

"Oh the baby has hiccup" and more laughter follows before he shows himself at the door, "Hey girls"

"Ben!" the two of them turn towards the door, clearly scared, not having heard him come in, "I knew it, you scared her"

"Sorry" he chuckles as he walks towards them and leaves each one a kiss before sitting next to his sister.

"What were you doing?" a knee that goes to hit hers slightly.

"Your sister's stuff just arrived and you know there are some really... interesting things" Deb winks at Ben and he looks cautiously at all the things scattered on the floor of that room.

"Like what?"

"Hhm you know stuff and... pictures" she grinds and he's quick to turn to his sister, but all he gets is another wave of laughter.

"Sorry Benny but your girlfriend has every right to know"

"I've got something for you too when it's your turn, don't worry"

"Yeah" the girl doesn't lose her smile but inevitably the atmosphere in the room changes slightly. Ben bites his tongue realizing what he said but Deb does the talking.

"How about I order dinner?" everyone nods while she is already getting up, and when she comes out of the room Ben focuses on Evelyn who is taking a look at the various papers she found, perhaps not even remembering having brought them with her until recently.

"I'm sorry. For what I said" he admits, and Evelyn sighs as she lays everything in her hand to the side slipping slightly forward to position herself in front of him.

"You don't have to. You don't have to walk on eggshells for me Ben, you have to feel free to say and do whatever you want"

"I know, but clearly it still hurts you"

"It's not that. I just don't think my time will ever come, that's all"

"What?"

"Oh come on! Do you really think anyone would even consider getting involved with a girl who has a baby?"

"Are you serious?! You don't have leprosy Lyn, a baby doesn't change who you are"

"But it brings responsibility. Responsibilities that not everyone is willing to accept, especially with children who are not their own"

"You're young Lyn, I'm sure you'll find the right person for you" the girl nods, purposely avoiding her brother's gaze.

"I really believe that. But in the meantime, I can give you my company"

"You're really stupid" she giggles and he follows her a little later.

-

"Have you told her yet?" after dinner everyone moved to the couch to watch a movie and Deb and Ben took advantage of Evelyn's bathroom break to talk to each other.

"You've been here all day, you'd have heard screams" he says sarcastically and she giggles even though there's nothing funny about it.

"You have to tell her and soon Ben"

"I know, but I'm afraid she might leave again" he murmurs, sighing.

"She won't. If she wasn't ready to face all this she wouldn't have come to you either" he nods, he knows that, he knows. But he can't avoid feeling nervous even though he has the easiest part. 

"She just needs you to be there for her"

"I'm here for her" she smiles settling down on his chest and he leaves a kiss on her head telling himself he would definitely do it the next day. Definitely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading this thank you! You can also find me on Tumblr ( [chilly-my-softly](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/chilly-me-softly) )


	3. Chapter 3

"Bennn!" Deb scolds him when it's been two days and he still hasn't talked to his sister. He looks at her trying to stand up to her but he knows he's on the wrong side so he can't say anything.

"Listen, here's what you're gonna do. I'm off, without me I think you'll even be able to talk to each other more openly. And you're going to talk to her"

"You're never a bother, you know that"

"I have to go anyway, and don't change the subject that's not the point" she kisses him quickly before picking up her things scattered on the table and her bag. "Talk to her. Or you won't see me again until you have"

"Please" he scoffs and she raises an eyebrow. "What, you think I'm not serious? Don't challenge me Chilwell, you know you'll get burned"

"Ugh all right, all right. I'll do it. I just don't know why I still put up with you sometimes" he complains.

"Neither do I" she replies softly before leaving a quick kiss on his lips and walking away giggling.

Ben sighs running a hand through his hair and once he's grabbed something from the cupboard, he heads to his sister's room. No point in continuing to postpone the inevitable and then he has to give her time to... everything he guesses.

"Hey sis I have to ta- Evelyn!" of everything he would have expected to find behind that door, his seven month pregnant sister standing on a chair wasn't one of that.

The girl is taken by surprise and even risks losing her balance, but luckily Ben is quick to reach out and grab her by the legs.

"You're an idiot! Get down from there now!"

"Calm down. Okay okay I'm coming down" carefully Ben guides her every step of the way until he sees with his own eyes her sitting on the bed.

"Do you have any idea how dangerous that could have been? You could have fallen or worse"

"The only reason I lost my balance is because you scared me" she replies, not wanting to admit that she knew she had done something absolutely crazy that time.

Ben sighs, trying to calm his heartbeat. "What were you doing anyway?"

"Nothing"

"Evelyn" Ben calls her back softly, sitting down next to her.

"I was hiding things, pictures mainly. I wouldn't want to keep them but I thought maybe the little girl would like to know something about her father one day" she admits torturing her fingers nervously.

"And the closet is the safest place you could find?"

"Not safe, out of reach. I'm weak Ben, I know if I put them down somewhere closer I'd go get them every single day" Evelyn breathes deeply as her brother's hand goes to squeeze hers.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks more seriously and she shakes her head. "Maybe some other time. What did you want anyway?"

"Hm?"

"Were you here for anything in particular?"

"Oh um yeah. I brought you this" Ben takes a chocolate bar from his pocket and can almost see Evelyn's eyes light up with joy at that gesture, but also look at him with suspicion.

"Oh oh this is no good. What is it? Come on spill it"

"Lyn, mum and dad will be in town for the game on Saturday" Ben states all at once and for a moment she doesn't feel anything. She can't feel her brother's touch on her, can't hear if he's still talking, can't feel her own presence. Until everything goes back to spinning as if nothing had happened.

"W-what?" she murmurs as Ben bends down to pick up the candy bar that had slipped from her hands in the meantime, ending up on the floor. "I... no"

"Look, I'm with you. We'll get through this together, okay?" but she has already started to shake her head, a veil of tears now fogging her vision.

"I can't, I can't do this Ben. I'm not ready"

"Listen to me, listen to me Lyn. I'm not going to lie to you, this isn't going to be easy. It might take a while. And mum might cry a lot" Evelyn laughs wiping away some tears that have started to fall in the meantime. "But they'll understand, once you explain your reasons to them they'll understand. You're their little girl after all and they love you"

"And what if they don't?"

"Why did you keep the baby Lyn?"

"Because it's a part of me. Despite everything I never thought about getting rid of it, I would have hated myself for it" Evelyn answers immediately, without thinking, looking into his eyes and Ben brings his hands to her cheeks.

"Here, you just need to make them understand this. You may have made a mistake, you may have been careless, but you're taking responsibility. You always have, from day one, even when you could have shared them with your family"

"I'm sorry" Evelyn can't hold back any longer and bursts into tears and Ben wastes no time in bringing her to his chest and holding her tightly to him. He strokes her hair staying by her side in silence, letting her cling to him like he was her anchor and letting her vent.

"I got you now"


	4. Chapter 4

"I'm sorry I had to drag you into my mess" Evelyn turns her head towards Deb suddenly, a smile immediately widening on the other girl's face.

"That's alright, I know we hardly know each other but I'm always here to help if you ever need anything or anyone to talk to. I'll tell you now in case it wasn't obvious enough already anyway" she giggles towards the end also to ease some of the tension of that situation.

"Thank you very much"

"Oh there's no need to thank me, really. I wouldn't do it if I didn't want to"

She hadn't slept very well since she had found out her parents would be arriving in town only a few days later. She knew she'd have to face them too sooner or later, but in her heart she was hoping to have a few more days. Foolishly.

Every time she closed her eyes, she imagined the possible ways that meeting could go. And none of them ended with a happy ending. She didn't want to run away, to keep lying. But she was living with a constant feeling of nausea thinking about the time passing, about the day getting closer and closer.

She had thought about how to tell them, how to make things comfortable for everyone. But no words would be needed to communicate such a thing given the size of her belly. A glance at her would have been enough.

They had planned to tell them that night after the game, so Ben could be there and take their time. And Deb had only offered to host her at her flat since their parents were staying with Ben as usual.

She's nervous. The game ended about ten minutes earlier and they're just waiting to hear from Ben so they can go home. At that moment, her parents will be so busy praising their boy who contributed to his team's victory. Unaware of what awaits them once they get home. 

"Are you nervous?"

"A little bit. I mean I know there won't be any kissing and hugging and celebrating. But I hope at least it's not as tragic as I imagined it"

"Can I be honest with you?"

"Please"

"You seem the kind of person who always thinks of others before herself, don’t you?"

"You got me" Evelyn lowers her head slightly, guilty.

"I mean I think if I were in your position I would have said something like 'hey everyone, I'm pregnant. I'm having this baby on my own, if you want to be there for me you're welcome otherwise who cares'" the two laugh as Deb's phone vibrates beside her.

"Taking that job was the first thing I did for myself. For the first time I stood firm on a decision I had made, I didn't ask anyone's permission and I didn't let other people's hesitation make me change my mind or doubt myself. I just did it. And look where it got me"

"Do you regret it?"

"Absolutely not. Neither of leaving, nor of keeping the baby"

"Then you have nothing to be sorry about. You made a mistake, if it can be called a mistake to sleep with someone you considered special at the time anyway. But the point is that from what Ben has told me about you, you have always been a mature girl and I can see that" Deb reaches out slightly resting a hand on Evelyn's knee.

"You have to live by making decisions that are right for you, because you can never please everyone. There will always be someone who would have done differently. And then you're going to be a mother and you're going to make a lot of mistakes too, a lot of things you might regret. But the important thing is that you've always done them with your heart, thinking it was the right thing"

"I'm glad Ben found someone like you, you know"

"I would wait a few more days to get to know me before making a final judgement" she jokes, breaking the almost serious atmosphere that had been created, as the phone vibrates a second time.

"But seriously, I really would have liked to get to know you better sooner"

"Well as they say, better late than never right?!"

"Yeah" she giggles.

"We should go anyway" a quick glance at the phone reading Ben's text and a quick reply before getting up from the couch.

"Oh god" Evelyn shifts uncomfortably on the couch as the other girl starts grabbing her things and checking everything is in order before going.

And she gets up too, heading for the door like she's about to go to the gallows. Deb arrives almost immediately behind her opening the door, but stopping her before she can get out.

"Hey listen, I know we don't know each other and all but if you want there will always be a friend here for you okay? Whatever you need" and Evelyn can't do anything but hug her to thank her for everything.

-

The hand on her belly shakes slightly and she closes her eyes for a moment trying to remember how to breathe. She thinks her legs will give out at any moment or her heart might stop beating as she looks at the door left half open by Deb who entered before her.

She can hear her parents' voices greeting the girl, so quiet and cheerful. And she's almost about to back up when instead her body moves in the right direction, slowly opening the door and stepping into the house.

"Mom" Evelyn draws attention on her and can literally see the light fading in her mother's eyes. The woman brings a hand to her mouth before warm tears begin to fall from her eyes. She moves closer to her and for a moment Evelyn feels relief inside of her, which is wiped away soon after when she feels a sudden pain in her cheek. Her mother has just slapped her.

She can't remember the last time she had received one, her parents have always been people of long, boring dialogues rather than actions. Which makes everyone gasp in shock.

"Mum" her eyes are filled with tears, her hand still on her cheek though the burning she feels is nothing compared to the tumult of emotions inside.

"Don't, Evelyn" her mother sobs, "God, I need a chair" and as her father hurries to get her one, Deb heading into the kitchen to get a few glasses of water, Ben walks over to his sister gently leading her over to the couch and sitting her down.

"I can't believe it" the woman murmurs a couple of times, still in shock, white in the face as if she had actually just seen a ghost.

"Mom listen to me" she tries again only to be interrupted again.

"Shut up! How long have you known, Benjamin?" this time her accusing eyes focus on the boy next to her and he swallows loudly before answering, only to lower his eyes soon after.

"I can't believe this, this is why I had my doubts about letting you go" anger suddenly seems to have taken over from tears, from the shock. That hard, stern look that only someone who has been truly hurt can maintain for long.

"You're too naive Evelyn, all it took was a good looking guy to fall for that. Who knows what he promised you to get you into his bed"

"Mom, stop" Ben cuts in, his tone high and harsh enough to cover whatever else the woman was about to say.

While Evelyn remains silent, absorbing everything like a sponge. She's always been like that, shut in, afraid to speak up and hurt others. While they didn't mind though. It's the main reason why she had sent CVs even further away from home, from her comfort zone, she had always known that to develop a more solid and strong personality she would have to learn to be independent in some way. To have an idea and fight for it, not to be a wallflower.

And that year away from everyone, where if she didn't think about it she wouldn't eat or sleep on a bed or have hot water, had helped in spite of everything. No longer would she stand by and listen to her brother stick up for her or how disappointed her mother was, as yet another crack opened up inside her that would take forever to heal.

"That's enough mum. You stand there sniping about my life but you still haven't asked me how I'm doing, you haven't even asked why I kept it from you until now. What do you want to hear, that you're right? Well congratulations mum, you were right! As always. I'm a failure and I let you down. Now you can pretend you didn't have the mistake that I am" Evelyn gets up from the couch and without looking back goes to lock herself in what has become her room.


	5. Chapter 5

Someone knocks on her door, which opens immediately without waiting for an answer. But in fact she can already tell who it is without even looking up because everyone has a different way of knocking.

In the dimness of the room, it's the light from the hallway that brightens the figure entering and also part of the room before the door is closed. 

"Hey dad" Evelyn sniffs up as the light in the room is turned on and she flashes a smile wiping away her tears.

"Just like you were a little girl" her father comments as he sees her sitting with her back against one of the room's walls, her stomach however this time preventing her from hiding her head between her legs.

The man goes to sit next to her, imitating her position and absentmindedly taking her hand. "Don't think I'm not angry with you sweetheart, but I'm not going to make a scene like your mother"

"I'm sorry daddy" she admits sincerely.

"I'm angrier with myself at the moment though, so you're safe for now young lady"

Evelyn lets out a giggle before turning serious again, "Why do you say that?"

"You felt the need to keep this from us Eve, and this wouldn't have happened if we had been more supportive, if we had reminded you that no matter what happened we would always be ready to welcome you with open arms"

"I chose not to come back dad, because I wanted to stand on my own two feet. And because I felt like a disappointment. To you, to mum, to myself"

"Oh honey, you're not"

"But that doesn't matter now! Dad I..."

"What is it darling? Talk to me" the man strokes her cheek turning slightly towards her and Evelyn closes her eyes enjoying that caress where just before the hand had been much stronger.

"I'm scared dad" she admits perhaps for the first time since this all started, "I'm scared of being a bad mother, of ruining my little girl's life, of-" Evelyn interrupts herself hearing her father laugh and looks into his eyes puzzled.

"You just sound like your mother and I when we were expecting your brother" he clarifies at the unspoken question, "you know your mother and I were just a little older than you and we were so scared. And I can assure you that the situation didn't improve when we were expecting you instead"

"It's a parent's duty to worry, to care about the future of their children. By asking yourself these questions you are already on the right track, it means that you will love your child madly and when you make mistakes you will do them in a good way" Evelyn sighs resting her head on her father's shoulder.

"Do you think she'll ever forgive me?" sighs Evelyn after a moment of silence.

"It might take her a while to come to terms with the fact she's becoming a grandmother so young, but nothing so bad after all" he leaves a kiss on her head bringing an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close to him.

"So a little girl huh?"

"Yep"

"Be ready my love, it won't be easy at all"

-

"Mum and dad are gone, you can come out if you want" Ben sticks his head out into the room to inform her while Evelyn is with her back against the headboard of the bed. A book at her side that she hasn't opened yet.

"I don't want to but thanks" she's not looking at her brother and she hears the door close and sighs. But then the bed caves in to the pressure of another body and a hand rests on her leg making her head snap up.

"Do you mind if I stay here then?"

"Ben you don't need to babysit me, really"

"But I want to stay, I want to spend some time with you"

Evelyn stares at him silently for a moment before sighing. "Alright, come on" she taps her hand lightly on the loose side of the bed and Ben smiles broadly satisfied before laying down next to her.

"What were you doing?"

"Thinking"

"Look Lyn, I'm sorry mum..."

"It's alright. I admit it was a shock but I didn't expect a different reaction. And look, I'm sorry I ruined your plans for the weekend. Or forever for what it's worth"

"Are you kidding? I'm glad you're here Lyn, everything else doesn't matter now"

"Hey, where did you leave Deb?"

"She had errands to run, she's bringing dinner later"

"Oh so I'm your distraction, I see" she jokes as Ben grins at her.

"Just the only one available"

"Idiot" she hits him as he laughs. "She seems like a nice person though"

"She's" he sighs, a smile on his face and a dreamy expression on it, and Evelyn raises an eyebrow.

"Can you elaborate?" she teases him as he turns slightly red in the cheeks then hides his face in the pillow.

"Oh come on, I want to know and I have a right to know" she complains distractedly running a hand over her bump.

"Well you didn't exactly tell me about yours"

There is silence in the room again. It's been months since she found out she was pregnant, months since the father of her baby washed his hands of her. And yet it still hurts. It may sound strange but in a short time she has really felt some strong emotions, something that had led her to trust the other person completely.

A part of her thinks that not talking about it might hurt less, that not thinking about him and not talking about him and not naming him might be as if he never existed. But he does exist. He exists in her head, he exists in her memories, he exists in her child. And they have had some good times together that despite everything she doesn't want to erase. You learn from your mistakes, if you were to erase everything that didn't go according to plan every person would be empty.

"His name was Lucas" she sighs taking a strand of hair behind her ear, Ben sitting up sliding backwards until his back meets the headboard, "I mean his name is Lucas, he may be an asshole but he's not dead yet"

"We haven't been together that long, so much so that I didn't tell you I was seeing someone because I wanted to experience it and make sure it was something worthy before I let my family know"

"How did you meet?"

"While exploring the new town, you know I got lost" the two brothers laugh and Ben shakes his head, she's still the same after all.

"Did you really like him?"

"I don't know if I was in love with him, but he made me feel good. He's not a bad guy Ben and I don't even want to defend him, but maybe this whole situation was too much to deal with"

"So what, he preferred to let you do it all by yourself?"

"I'm not saying I'm okay with it, just that I understand him in a way. It was easier for him to run away. I did too, but she followed me" another hand rests on her own on her bump, and Evelyn looks at Ben smiling slightly.

"It'll be fine, I know you and I know you'll be a wonderful mum"

"Don't make me cry, I've already done enough for today" it might have been a day to envy a rollercoaster ride, but in the end all it takes is a hug from the right person to feel loved again.


	6. Chapter 6

Evelyn runs a hand through her hair that morning as she walks to the kitchen table, her eyes still half closed.

"Good morning!" a bouncy Ben greets her seated at the kitchen table eating those cereal bars he can't live without.

"Hmm" is all he gets, which makes him chuckle.

"I had a dream that mum brought a couple home to adopt the baby" Ben almost chokes on the bar but doesn't give up laughing at her.

"Sis, you really need a rest from that brain. And speaking of which..."

"What did you do?" Evelyn immediately gets defensive, the grin on Ben's face certainly not allowing her not to worry. "Nothing yet"

"Ben"

"I just thought that maybe, you could get out a bit today. You've been staying in for days. And Deb is really in the mood for some wild shopping"

"Ben" the girl starts, but he interrupts her almost immediately.

"Please. Or I'll have to go myself"

"I'll make sure she knows that, you know"

"Nothing I haven't already told her sweetie" he gives her a wink as she shakes her head in amusement.

"That girl is a saint. Alright, I'll go get dressed"

"Great!" Ben tries not to sound too enthusiastic, cheering internally, finishing his juice and smiling as he sees her heading to the room.

-

"Okay if I don't get out of here right now I'm going to buy the whole shop" Deb stated firmly, putting the little hat away and making Evelyn laugh.

They had been wandering around the huge shop for hours now, they had started in the women's section but the baby section seemed to be more tempting. Deb was actually the one who had wanted to go there, but Evelyn hadn't let her say it twice. Once she'd seen the first onesie, it had been practically impossible to tear themselves away from those shelves.

And her desire to always put some money aside had proved more than worth it in the end. Everything she had was going to her little girl. She'd never been one to spend a lot of money, always spending it on something she really needed. And that day she had been especially happy to shop for her baby, and especially to have someone to do it with.

Once out of the shop, the two girls sit down at a table to freshen up and rest. The bags surrounding them.

"Thanks for all this, I really needed it" Evelyn absentmindedly twists the straw in the juice she had ordered that had recently arrived as Deb smiles at her.

"Anytime. Ben always gets bored and always ends up leaving me alone, so it's good that you came with me"

"Yeah, I know how boring shopping alone can be sometimes" she sighs.

"I'm sorry, I just wanted to take your mind off things today"

"Oh no it's fine, really. It's just that you know, sometimes it's just...hard. And I don't want to play the victim because I created this whole situation myself, I knew what I was getting into and I can't even expect everyone to react the same way. But you know, some days are just harder than others"

"Your mother hasn't called yet?"

Evelyn shakes her head, "Dad has though. Twice actually. One was to tell me he's thinking about buying a crib so I can visit them more often"

"Ow cute" Deb comments and a giggle escapes from Evelyn.

"This may sound weird but I can feel I hurt him too, but somehow he found a way to put it all aside and be there for me. As Ben has as well"

"Your mother just needs a little more time Evelyn. Women are always much more thoughtful, but you'll see that everything will work out in the end"

"I hope so. I need her so much for this"

-

Deb tried to waste as much time as possible, but the little girl didn't like the juice her mum had drunk and was so hyperactive that she tired Evelyn out in no time. She hadn't felt like dragging her feet any longer and had even felt a little guilty. So they had headed back to the car quickly and put an end to the day.

"Let's go inside, Ben will deal with the bags later" the girl states as she gets out of the car and helps Evelyn to do the same.

When she opens the front door, the first thing she hears is a loud commotion coming from the living room. Evelyn immediately looks at Deb with a raised eyebrow, who acts as if she has no idea what's going on.

Sitting in front of the television are Ben and three boys, probably playing a football game, and Evelyn immediately understands what the fuss is about. One of them is sitting on the ground with his legs stretched forward and crossed at the ankles, and he's trying to dodge Ben's hand with his head as he's probably losing and trying to annoy his opponent. Or maybe he's having fun like that, who knows.

"So this is why you wanted me out of the house!" she teases him to get her brother's attention, and suddenly four heads turn towards her. No need for introductions, she knows them all at least by name as she has always followed her brother's career.

"Hey Lyn, Deb! How was your day?" the game is immediately paused as Ben steps over everyone and reaches the two to greet them, not before risking to stumble due to the guy onto the floor.

Evelyn giggles, "It was good"

"Come on I'll introduce you to some friends" Ben walks her up a few steps into the room stopping in front of the couch. "This is James, Marc and Jack. Guys this is my sister Evelyn"

The girl smiles politely at the three, "Just for the record, there's no need for introductions by my side. But nice to meet you guys"

"Um I'm going to go to my room for a minute. I'll be right back" Ben nods as he watches her head towards the room, and can't help but smile in satisfaction as he looks at Deb and nods at her unspoken question.

Evelyn absentmindedly opens the door and when she turns on the light, she's speechless. Next to one of the walls stands a crib. She recognised it, it's the one she had bought some time ago but had never had the courage to take out of the box and put together. She had even scolded herself once, thinking that at this rate the baby would be both nameless and without a place to sleep. But there it is, right in front of her.

She brushes her fingers over the surface, her vision fogged by tears not allowing her to enjoy it fully.

"Do you like it?" her brother's voice spins her towards the door, her feet moving swiftly towards him and nearly colliding against his chest as he chuckles lightly, holding her close.

"You did this for me?" she asks still in disbelief as inevitably tears start to roll down her cheeks, leaving small stains on Ben's sweatshirt.

"Of course I did"

"Thanks, I don't deserve it"

"Shut up" Ben leaves a kiss on her head before pulling her slightly away from him to trap her face in his hands.

"I..." she croaks, "I'm too happy Ben"

"Stop crying then, hey" with his thumbs he wipes her wet cheeks, smiling tenderly as she sobs closing her eyes in an attempt to calm herself. And he leaves another kiss on her forehead before turning back, letting her compose herself before doing the same.

During the rest of the evening it's like she's walking on clouds. She has thanked everyone so many times for what they have done, but she cannot put into words what she really feels at that moment. She feels euphoric, excited, scared, grateful. She wants to cry until she has consumed all her tears, but laugh with joy at the same time.

She feels as energetic as a child on a sugar high, but after the climax there is always a drop, and inevitably it hits her. It may be the relaxing atmosphere after dinner, or the tiredness of the day finally visiting her, but her eyes close just ten minutes after the beginning of the film they had chosen to watch. A smile on her face and a relaxed expression, hard to find lately.


	7. Chapter 7

Jack sighs as he opens his eyes still sleepy, taking a few seconds to connect his brain and remember where he is. He doesn't remember falling asleep, but he probably must have closed his eyes after Ben's teammate Marc left and he put his phone away.

The room isn't as dark as before, the TV isn't on and there's no one around, so he wonders where everyone is and why they didn't wake him up sooner.

His left arm is numb and he wonders how he really slept to end up in that state. It hadn't seemed that uncomfortable to him when he woke up, but he was obviously wrong. He rotates his shoulder slowly as he sits up on the couch and groans at the obviously strained muscles.

"Sorry about that" his head turns immediately following the voice, finding Ben a few feet away.

"My sister fell asleep on you, I just took her in her room" he explains to his friend's confused face.

"It's okay" he forces himself to give the boy an answer while his mind is picturing the scene. Evelyn had fallen asleep and he had seen that as well as everyone else, but from what he remembers it was only her feet that had brushed against his leg in a vain attempt to lie down at some point. How she could have ended up turned the other way around he can't explain.

"I should go" he yawns getting up, glancing at the time on his phone. It's not exactly late but he's got a long drive ahead of him to get home anyway.

"You can stay if you want. Plenty of space" Ben shrugs while Jack runs a hand through his hair and nods. "I owe you one"

**-**

The next morning, waking up is not so traumatic as he remembers almost immediately where he is. The phone tells him it's relatively early, but by now he knows he won't be able to sleep, so he stays staring at the ceiling for a few minutes with his ear eager to pick up some noise.

It's the part he hates the most when he's a guest in someone's house. If he wakes up early, he doesn't want to be snooping around or acting like he owns the place; but he also doesn't want to wake up too late and give the impression of taking advantage of the people who live there. It doesn't matter who the owner actually is, a family member or a friend.

He doesn't hear anything in particular, which makes him think that Ben and everyone else is still blissfully asleep. But he decides to get up anyway, careful not to make any particular noise when he has to use the bathroom.

He rinses his face before leaving the bathroom and when he closes the door behind him, a sharp noise comes from the room not far from where he is. The door is half open and his feet start to head towards it without him taking notice.

He can't see anything through the small gap, so he pushes the wooden surface aside with the palm of his hand, widening his view. The soft light of a lamp on the bedside table illuminates Evelyn, who is folding clothes with her back to him. A suitcase at the foot of the bed, perhaps the cause of the noise from earlier.

She moves her head to the rhythm of the music, totally lost in her own world. And Jack is lost observing her. Seen from behind, no one would think the girl is pregnant, or very far along in her pregnancy anyway; her hair reaches halfway down her back and is tied up with a muffler so as not to bother her; on her feet a pair of socks that barely reach her ankle.

He should go, for someone who doesn't like to pry he's been standing there for a long time now. But before he can even think about doing that, Evelyn sees a shadow out of the corner of her eye and turns around just to make sure that no one is really there, sometimes the dimness can play tricks on you. Instead she brings the image of the boy into focus and startles, the headphones are quickly pulled out of her ears, her heart racing for a moment and a rush of chills running through her entire body.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you"

"Um it's... it's fine" she stammers, hinting at a smile and trying to appear as normal as possible. The boy is leaning against her doorframe, shirtless, with his usual seemingly calm expression on his face. And she tries not to stare at him for too long, hoping that in the semi-darkness of the room the slight blush growing on her cheeks at the fragmented memory of the previous evening is not noticeable. She falling asleep, she squinting her eyes only to close them once she's reassured that Ben is the one taking her away. Those arms so big and comfortable and....

Evelyn shook her head slightly, returning her focus to what she was doing, when suddenly she clearly felt the boy's presence closer.

"What are you doing?" he asks curiously, sitting cautiously on the edge of the bed next to a small notebook and a pen.

"Tidying up, seeing what I'm missing"

"Now? I mean this early?"

"I couldn't sleep, might as well get on with the work" she shrugs and Jack smiles.

"Why are you up instead?"

"Oh it just happened. Habit I guess"

"Yeah"

"So can I help you with anything?" he takes that notebook in his hands in such a casual way that she's just left looking at it for a moment.

"Oh... no. I'm just trying to remember what I forgot. Hmpf I swear I hate pregnancy brain" she complains puffing up her cheeks and releasing the air gradually looking around, hoping to magically remember what she was doing before it all vanished into thin air.

"Diapers x100?!" he reads a spot on her list tapping the pen on her notebook and giggling.

"Dude newborns poop. Like a lot" she emphasizes so much that he lets out a laugh, "Better to have an almost unlimited supply, you never know"

"I see. The baby might starve but oh hey at least you have nappies"

"You got the point" she states seriously as he chuckles again shaking his head.

He looks at her blatantly as she's lost in her own world, her eyes moving along an imaginary path trying to remember what she was doing when she had that idea. And then all of a sudden her face lights up, something like a squeak fills the room as she hurries to snatch the notebook from his hands and ride the wave.

"Buy cot blanket. You made all this fuss over a blanket?!" he jokes as she hits him with the notebook. "Shut up"

"And I have something for you to do, actually"

And he never imagined he would find himself cleaning the inside of a cabinet when the day before Ben had called him asking if he had anything to do. Watching a stranger fold clothes, chatting with her and helping her and gushing over them for how cute and small they are. All in all having a good time. Well that said, nice way to spend a day off.


	8. Chapter 8

The phone vibrates beside her, distracting her from the episode she is watching, and she groans softly. It's not even seven in the morning and someone has already decided to test her patience. She hates phone calls, she's always afraid to stay silent on the line without knowing what to say. But when she sees the ID caller, she gladly answers.

"Hello"

"Hi, it's Jack... Grealish"

"I know" she murmurs lowering the computer screen and putting it to the side. They had exchanged numbers almost a week before, the day he had stayed over. She'd actually taken the numbers of all the guys who'd helped give her baby a safe place to sleep that day but she hadn't exactly turned him down when Jack had asked her if she'd minded him using that number from time to time. To get updates on the baby he'd said, because he'd assembled her cot and the least she could do was update him every now and then.

"I hope I didn't wake you up, but when I checked the clock I had already started the call and it was too late to back out" he states all in one breath and she finds herself shaking her head, suppressing a laugh.

"It's okay, I was awake. If I hadn't been for a while I might even believe this’s just a dream anyway"

"How so?"

"Ah nothing. It's just that it's all so surreal you know"

"I told you I'd call you sometime"

"I know, but I guess part of me thought you didn't mean it"

"Why, because you turn me into your little slave last time?!"

"Hey you're the one wanted to help" she retorts immediately and his laugh reaching her ears soon after is something unique. She had noticed it already that night, but she was so high at the time that even banging her pinkie somewhere would be the best thing in the world. And hearing it again, calmer and with the right emotional detachment, undoubtedly hadn't changed her opinion: her lips stretches into a smile again; the desire to feel it again and again, still there.

She runs a hand over her stomach absentmindedly as a thud and some odd noise is heard, before Jack's voice. "It's been a pleasure anyway"

"What are you up to anyway? Why already awake?"

"I'm about to leave the house now. I've got practice in a couple of hours but I always like to get there a little early"

"I see, captain Jack Grealish setting an example to everyone"

"Stop it, you're making me blush" Jack jokes but he's actually thankful no one can actually see him blushing like a stupid teenager as he waits for the automatic gate to open.

"Wait, I hope you're not on the phone with me while you're driving"

"No, I mean yes… I’m in the car. But my hands are free to drive"

"Good" and she doesn't actually know what's going on, she doesn't know why they're talking to each other like they're old friends interested and curious about each other's lives. All she knows is that only a few times recently she's felt so light, so carefree, so entertained by something and she wants to ride the wave while she can. Jack is a nice guy after all and she's certainly not wasting her time in chatting with him.

"Hey listen, I gotta go" he finally sighs, actually stopped at his parking space for a few minutes already. He had tried to drive as slowly as possible, but the destination had still arrived sooner than he had expected.

"Oh that's okay, I should have gone to the bathroom anyway" she giggles, starting to shrug off the blanket, "You know my pregnant vagina doesn't wait" and runs a hand over her face immediately afterwards internally cursing herself for saying that while he laughs it off on the other end of the phone. "I'll let you go then"

"Have a nice day. Thanks for the call, I really enjoyed it"

"Well we could do it again, don’t we?"

"Yeah, why not" Jack smiles smugly letting his head go against the seat before the two greet for the last time and continue their days.

The two continue to be in touch over the next few days. Mornings when he's getting ready to go to training while she's comfortably lying in bed seem to be the perfect time to do it, the best way to start the day. Each time a different topic, whatever is on their minds, allowing them to get to know each other's thoughts on many things. To see different things from a different perspective, to re-evaluate others, to joke and make fun of each other.

Evelyn could see early on that Jack likes to talk rather than text, he's one of those people who might call even though a simple message might simplify things. He likes to hear a person's voice, have a face-to-face conversation and watch the gestures of the person in front of him. It's easy to hide feelings by text or misunderstand what is being written.

She, on the other hand, is his opposite, she could spend hours and hours texting. She would rather wait for hours for a reply than solve everything in a short time with a phone call. She simply feels uncomfortable calling someone. The pressure of having to talk in order not to create awkward silences, the unpredictability of what might be said by the other person, not being able to hide their feelings.

And it's always Jack then taking the first step, who calls first. But every time a smile breaks out on her face when she reads his name on the screen.

He even goes to the next level, the video call. Her second nightmare of course. And one of her greatest fears had also come true. The two of them had stood looking at each other without saying anything at one point, but Evelyn hadn't felt embarrassed unlike many other times. She had just stood there quietly staring at him, him lying with his head on his pillow doing the same, lost in his own world thinking about who knows what. And she hadn't thought about anything, hadn't thought about filling that void, because it felt right. It felt right.

It's different with Jack. She doesn't look at the clock hoping to finish as soon as possible, she doesn't make excuses to hang up, she doesn't feel satisfied if for some reason they can't talk during the day.

And that is precisely why at some point she has to put a brake on herself, slow down before everything slips from her hands irreparably. Because talking to him is easy, imagining things is even easier. And she could easily keep blaming hormones if it makes her feel better, burying everything somewhere as she always does. But she can't possibly get her hopes up, she can't let her mind wander. She just can't.


	9. Chapter 9

Evelyn sighs locked in her room, the phone in her hands that has already turned off something like three times. Ben has a phone interview and she doesn't want to disturb him by walking around the house so it seemed like the right time. The contact has already been set up, she just doesn't have the courage to press on it a second time to start the call.

She has not heard from her mother for weeks now. Weeks in which she switches between moments of understanding and moments of total anger. Days in which every noise coming from the phone makes her think the time has come, but in the end only makes her feel bad.

She doesn't know what to do, on the one hand she would like to give her time to let her anger or whatever she feels towards her at the moment dissipate. But on the other she feels that the more time she lets pass the harder it will be to recover their relationship.

Evelyn turns the phone over in her hands again before taking a deep breath and unlocking it. A moment later the screen shows the call is on, but she doesn't have time to bring the device to her ear before the call drops.

She frowns and presses on her mother's contact a second time, this time it rings. Evelyn can feel her heart pounding in her chest as she waits for someone on the other end to answer. Then the seconds start ticking away on the screen even though no one is speaking.

"Mum, it's Evelyn" she murmurs with a shaky voice, but still no answer.

"Mum" the signal of the ended call reaches her ears a few seconds later. Her vision blurs as she grits her teeth to prevent herself from crying, her hands shaking slightly. She tries to call back another time, but it goes straight to the voice mail now. The phone falls with a sharp thud as she tries to put it down on the bedside table next to the bed, while tears start to roll down her cheeks and she hides her face in her hands, allowing all her sadness to come out.

This is how Ben finds her when he enters her room, his carefree smile disappearing as he focuses on the view in front of him. He reaches out immediately, holding her in his arms, and Evelyn sobs loudly with her head buried in his chest.

His heart clenches but it was inevitable, he thinks as he silently holds her close. She always tends to downplay things and handle things herself. And no matter how hard he tried to get her to vent during those weeks, ever since she knocked on his door, whatever was inside her never really came out. The trigger had always been there, slowly burning out, and now it had simply come to an end by triggering the bomb.

"You need to calm down though now" Ben leaves a kiss in her hair before bringing a hand to her stomach and stroking it gently. He can clearly feel under his palm the strong kicks the little one is throwing, they must hurt pretty bad.

"Lyn, breathe. Follow me" he lifts her face slightly to make her look into his eyes and starts breathing as slowly and rhythmically as he can, never breaking eye contact and trying not to let on how much the situation is freaking him out.

"It hurts" she croaks, a flurry of emotions inside her. Her head is heavy with crying, spinning at times; an overwhelming sensation in her chest making her feel like she can't breathe; but what worries her the most is her baby. She wants to calm down for her, but she cannot. She doesn't know how.

"Ben" Evelyn says his name frightened, exhausted, a sort of cry for help. And he doesn't know how to help her concretely, the only thing he can do is to help her get up, put her in the car and run to the hospital.

-

His hands tremble slightly as he sits there on one of the chairs in the waiting room, waiting for someone to come up and give him some news. No one pays any attention to him, all with their own problems on their minds. He didn't take anything except his house keys before leaving so he's on his own. Even if he had memorised a few phone numbers, he doubts he would have been able to remember them under the circumstances. And it's the longest thirty minutes of his life from their arrival at the emergency room to when someone finally brings him to her.

Relief floods through his entire body as soon as he enters the room and sees her awake, alert, and most importantly her belly is still there.

"Oh Lyn" he holds her as tightly as he can, breathing in her scent and enjoying the feeling of her arms around him.

"I'm sorry"

"Hey no, don't say that. What matters is that you're okay. Both of you" he takes her face in his hands reassuring her, leaving a kiss on her forehead when she nods confirming that they're okay.

The doctor gives her the green light to go home, but reminds her to try to stay as far away from stress as possible. At this point in the pregnancy it's necessary to be more careful than usual.

In the car they don't talk, Ben turns to her every now and then as if to make sure she's still there. And she has her eyes closed, her head resting against the window, lost in her mind as always.

"Hey where have you guys been?" Deb asks curiously to the two of them as soon as they set foot in the house, innocently believing Ben has taken his sister for a ride or something.

"Just a little trip to the ER, nothing to worry about though" she reassures her, Ben's eyes could kill her for how badly he's watching her. Deb's eyes go wide, clearly not expecting such a response, getting no further explanation as Evelyn decides to retreat to her room, marked by the last few hours and just wanting to be alone and try to get some rest, while Ben walks over to a stool and lets himself down on it.

"Are you okay?" the girl walks over to her boyfriend, positioning herself between his legs. His hands immediately go around her waist.

"Yeah, just a scary moment. So much stress and nothing more lately" she pulls him close to her at that point, absentmindedly leaving a kiss on his shoulder as he hides his head in her neck. And he feels those little salty drops coming silently as she simply tightens her grip around him. The look on his sister's face, the panic, the waiting, the worry, the sense of worthlessness at her call for help, the relief at knowing it was nothing serious. Everything still spinning in his head. 

"Hey, it's okay. It's okay"

"Sorry, I'm just... blowing off some steam I guess"

"No need to apologize to me knucklehead" she wipes his cheeks as he chuckles, closing his eyes then leaning into her hand enjoying her touch and staying that way for a few seconds.

"I was really scared something might happen to both of them. God you should have seen her face"

"I'm so sorry. What happened?"

Ben shrugged, "I found her crying in her room, I was going to wait until she calmed down to ask her then... it all happened so fast"

"That's okay, we can deal with it tomorrow. Come on, let's go lie down for a bit too" Deb stood up on her toes leaving a kiss on his lips before intertwining one of their hands and leading him towards the bedroom.

"Wait" he stops her in front of Evelyn's closed bedroom door. He opens it slowly without making a noise and approaches slowly seeing the girl lying on the bed on her side. She has her eyes closed but her phone still in her hands so he carefully takes it out of her hand to place it on the bedside table, but when he picks it up he almost subconsciously remembers the noise he heard before opening the door that afternoon.

He knows it's not right, if someone dug through his phone like that he'd be furious even though he has nothing to be worry about on it. A matter of principle. But there's no password or any kind of screen lock, it's too easy to take a quick look, and he doesn't think twice. He presses a button and a row of pages she's used recently come up next to each other. There's Instagram, Twitter, Google, WhatsApp, a few games and the phone record.

With the game out of the way, the phone record is the first on the list so he starts with that. Anger begins to build inside him as he starts to put the pieces together. Hurriedly he puts the phone down on the bedside table and walks out of the room, Deb looking at him confused.

"Ben? What's going on?" she asks, following the boy who has regained possession of his abandoned phone on the kitchen table and ignoring all the notifications that have come in the last few hours, he searches for the number that triggered all that.


	10. Chapter 10

Ben watches Evelyn from afar while she's on the couch watching some documentary on TV. She's wearing a sweatshirt that highlights her belly, the hood up over her head acting as a block to the outside world. He remembers how she had once told him that everything is muffled like that, and it was a good way for when she wanted company but didn't feel like talking so much. Kind of like in those days.

When they all still lived together he was the one who distracted her, who didn't let her stay in her head too much. He'd carry her around with him, hand her a joystick and they'd spend hours playing games or simply become the annoying brother who teased her. All so he wouldn't see that sad or thoughtful expression on her face.

He smiles to himself at the memory of the dirty looks, threats and sometimes even slaps he used to receive, approaching her and resting a chocolate on her belly. Evelyn starts to play with it, drawing the outline with her index finger and making circles on her belly. This is not appreciated by the little girl who, with a sudden movement, makes the little sweet tremble slightly.

Evelyn scoffs giving her belly a gentle tap rolling her eyes as Ben smiles at the scene and leans forward slightly.

"Hi Joanna, uncle Ben here. Mum didn't mean to, she's just out of her mind. So Gabriela, I would advise you to be good at least for today"

"What the hell are you babbling about?" Evelyn turns to her brother, the shadow of a satisfied smile on his face.

"I'm just talking to my niece, Gloria"

"Okay, are you drunk?"

"No" he chuckles, "I'm helping out here. You said you didn't have a name yet" he says shrugging.

"That is until a couple of days ago..." Ben opens his mouth surprised and indignant, "Excuse me?! What were you waiting for to tell me?!"

"Not long now. It will be a surprise"

"But I want to know!" he complains jumping slightly on the spot and pounding his fists on his thighs, making his sister shrug and look at him with a sly smile.

"Okay then I'm guessing, I don't have anything else to do" he says shortly afterwards sticking his tongue out at her as she rolls her eyes in response. "Who knows, you might even change your mind about Fiona"

"Nah I'm pretty convinced"

"Yeah but are you sure? I mean Viola might not like it after all" she shakes her head dismissively, "Or oh! you could do like that TV show you watched time ago where they all named their kids after their last names" Ben snaps his fingers as if he's found the perfect solution.

"I'm not calling my baby Chilwell. And besides that will be her surname, so Chilwell Chilwell... I don't think so"

"That would be original though" one look from her was enough to make him raise his hands in surrender.

"So you decided to leave him out?"

"It's my baby. It's pretty clear now, I don't see why I should make him this gift"

"Yeah, you're right"

"But she's going to be a Chilwell, she'll have plenty to worry about on this side of the family too anyway" she says sarcastically running a hand through her hair, the hood droops slightly and she does nothing to fix it and Ben takes it as a signal to finally spill the beans.

"I called mum the other night. After the hospital" he says all in one breath as Evelyn doesn't flinch, almost as if she didn't hear him.

"I was so out of my mind. I told her to fucking grow up because if anything happens to you again..." Ben left the sentence hanging as Evelyn opened her mouth to speak but couldn't, the meaning of what her brother had just said hit her overpoweringly.

"I checked your phone, I saw she'd been the last person you had called" he keeps on moving his gaze around the room for a moment, answering the silent question he knows she's wondering among many other things.

"Ben"

"I know, I'm sorry. But I was really scared that night for you and the little one" the girl sighs at this point, reaching out slightly to squeeze her brother's leg in a vain attempt to thank him for having her back once again.

"I don't want you to-" but he doesn't even let her finish her sentence, shaking his head and resting one of his hands on hers. 

"When she comes to her senses I'll be happy to forget all about this. But until then you're my priority Lyn" and she stays silent, again, torturing her lip to keep from getting emotional again and again.

"Maybe I should never have come back or stayed for all that matter" she murmurs lowering her gaze.

"Don't be stupid now"

"It's just that I came back mainly for her you know. Because all of a sudden I was scared and I thought that mum would be there for me. And now I sometimes wonder why I'm still here, that's all" she feels so guilty in revealing all that to her brother, to the man who practically offered her a roof over her head without saying anything and without expecting anything in return. To those who have really been there for her.

"You're here because there are so many other people who love you in spite of everything, who are willing to help you. And I'll probably never fully understand what was going through your head at the time, but you're here now. And nothing else matters"

"You're not a disappointment, you're not a failure, and you're not going to be banished from the family just because you're about to bring another life into the world" Ben says seriously while, needless to say, tears form in Evelyn's eyes. She really can't wait to regain control over her emotions.

"I'm so grateful you decided to come to me first anyway" and she feels her brother's arms wrapping around her body as she takes a deep breath and drinks in his so familiar scent.

-

She moves her feet waiting while the phone in front of her shows her face. And she fixes her hair as best she can, realising perhaps at the last possible minute the way she looks, when her frame ends in the bottom right corner and Jack's image appears full screen. He is on his stomach, his face half hidden by the pillow and an obvious tired expression on his face. But he still looks more presentable than she does.

"Hi" she says shyly, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, the shadow of a smile on her face. He sets the phone down in front of him and once he was sure it wouldn't fall, he arranges the pillow in a better way too, folding it and resting his chin on it as he greets her back.

"Are you tired?"

"Not really, I'm just relaxing"

"Liar" she states softly, one corner of her mouth slightly turned up.

"I'm not!" he insists but is betrayed by a yawn as she shakes her head in amusement.

And when she returns to focus her gaze on him, she notices that he's already looking at her. The way his eyes seem to study her, with that piercing gaze even though they're not exactly face to face, embarrasses her most of the time. She can't handle it. "Stop it! Why are you looking at me like that?"

"It's the first time you've called me" he replies sincerely, not losing eye contact. That apparently futile little gesture seems to hide a more important meaning behind it.

"Wait, should I be worried?" his expression changes in the blink of an eye, following a thought of his own as his head snaps upwards, the pillow opening in two returning to its original shape.

"I just wanted to hear you" she murmurs as he sighs relieved, resting his head on the open palm of his hand now. He pauses to look at her as she is caught up in something and stays silent. He wishes he could poke her in the side, see if he could take that expression off her face for a while or be able to hear her laugh. But the screen on his phone reminds him that no, he can't.

"Hey, what's going on?" he urges her then and Evelyn looks up at Jack, tries a smile but isn't sure about the result.

"Nothing it's just... I didn't feel good the other night. Ben took me to the hospital"

"What happened?" he asks surprised, incredulous and worried more than anything, clutching his pillow the only thing he can cling to at the moment.

"I had what you could call a panic attack. I called my mother, she hung up on me and that was it" Evelyn shrugs.

"Sorry you... you have this power to shake everything off that's unbelievable" he shakes his head, looking at her as if she could disappear at any moment.

"I just don't want to think about it, okay? To pause and think about what could have happened"

He sighs, it could be seen he'd like to say more but holds back. She has obviously reached out to him for support, she doesn't need someone yelling at her at the moment. "How are you two doing?"

"She's fine, I'm a mess. It's just..." Evelyn shifts slightly, crossing her legs, "it's been another month"

"Sometimes I think if she doesn't want to be a part of her grandchildren's life or mine, okay fuck her. Yeah I'm the one who made the mistake but I've done everything I can to talk to her. I can't just get in my car and knock on her door until she opens it. I'm tired of always making the first move" Evelyn forcefully wiped away a tear that forced its way down her cheek as she remembered the silence she had received during that phone call. Silence that can hurts more than a slap most of the time.

"On the other hand, I try to put myself in her shoes and tell myself that maybe... maybe she just needs a little more time. But just how much more time does she need, Jack? How much more time must pass before she wants to talk to me? This baby will be born soon and I just need her"

"I just want my mom" and it's that moment that he hates with all his heart. In another situation he wouldn't have thought twice about wrapping his arms around the other person. It breaks his heart to have to watch her break in front of him without being able to do anything, standing motionless on the other side of the screen. He just wants to hold her in his arms and tell her it's going to be okay.

"Sorry, I know. I seem to be crying all the time lately" she murmurs passing her hands under her eyes to wipe away those tears.

"Okay put your headphones on and find a comfortable position" he states firmly, pulling himself up and resting his back against the headboard.

"What?" she murmurs confused.

"Headphones, come on" he repeats and despite the confusion, she does as Jack asked by putting on the headphones and lying on her side and adjusting her phone so that she can continue to see him.

"Now close your eyes"

"Jack"

"Close them Eve or it won't work" he immediately interrupts any sort of protest she might have put up at that moment.

"I hate you"

"It's okay, I can live with that" he jokes and can clearly see the smile that appears briefly on her face after she closes her eyes.

"Just focus on my voice now. Everything is gonna be alright. I know it seems hard to see it now but I believe in it, I believe in you and I know you can do it. You are strong, stronger than you think. And if there should be days when the world seems to be crashing down on you, I'll always be here for you" his mother's voice saying those same words echoes in Jack's mind as he tries to be as reassuring as possible, hoping that those words will help her as much as they have helped him time and time again over the past few years.

"Thank you" Evelyn murmurs and then opens her eyes and stares at him intently, "Thank you"

"Can you keep talking? I like your voice"

"Yeah sure" and slowly she closes her eyes again, allowing herself to be lulled by his voice until she inevitably falls asleep. Her breathing more regular, her mouth slightly open.

"Evelyn... see, I should have been worried. Goodnight" he sighs, looking at her one last time before ending the call. That night, despite the tiredness, he struggles to fall asleep.


	11. Chapter 11

Dear Cecilia,  
I finally managed to choose a name and I hope you will like it.

It took me a good eight months to choose your name and not because I had to think carefully about it. Of course I don't want you to hate me, I thought about it a lot anyway. The truth is, I've messed up a lot in the last few months and I was stupidly convinced that if I didn't think about it, if I didn't name my biggest fear, it wouldn't be so real. But guess what? You always kept growing, day after day, month after month. You've always been real, even when I stubbornly refused to see it. My messes are all still here but you're gonna come into this world whether I'm ready or not.

But I am ready. All my messes, all my worries, everything can wait now. Because I can't wait to hold you in my arms, breathe in your scent, get to know you. From today on you will be my number one concern, my number one priority. I'll try my best to improve as a person and be what you need, always. But forgive me if I'm wrong or if I make you feel bad. That is not my intention at all.

You will soon realise that your mum is a very insecure and doubtful person. But fortunately you will be able to count on many other people if I let you down or even if you just need a break from me.

It will be just you and me, in a few years time you will be older enough to understand why. But we will never really be alone. Our family may not be what tradition demands, but if you're happy, you'll never lack for anything. And I assure you that I will do everything in my power to make sure you'll be happy at all times, so that you'll never have to put up with this.

I can't wait for you to grow up with your uncle Ben. I don't know how he is with children yet, but if he's at least half as good as being my brother, you will be in good hands. You'll always have an ally in him, and I can honestly imagine all the headaches you'll give me together.

He has always been very concerned about both of us ever since he found out you were coming into the family, he has supported me a lot and I owe him a lot. He was so scared and confused at the beginning, but he gradually softened up and became the caring person he is, learning to love you more and more every day. And hey, he's already bought you a onesie with the logo of his team because he can't wait to take you with him!

He's going to be an amazing uncle and godfather. I haven't asked him yet, but I know he's going to love it. I had no doubt who to ask, he's my brother, we grew up together and he's always been there for me since we were kids and this is just a small gesture to thank him for everything. I don't think I know any other people who can be as good an example as him honestly.

We owe so much to so many people. With their help, no matter how big or small it may have been, they have helped us to be where we are. You will surely meet most of these people, some will be part of your everyday life, you will rarely see others and someone will perhaps get lost along the way. But that's the beauty of life, being able to get to know different realities and learn a bit from everyone and knowing that no matter what happens, many doors will be open to you when you need them.

Maybe one day I will tell you my story, when you will be expecting a baby on your own and you will ask me what it was like to be pregnant with you. I will be able to tell you about my paranoia, my thousand doubts, my constant tears. But now I just want to focus on the good things, on positive thoughts, on you and start imagining how you could be.

I'm waiting for you my little one, I'm ready to be surprised by you so don't take too long. I love you already.

Your mummy.


	12. Chapter 12

"You're so cute. So cute and... perfect" Evelyn smiles looking at the little bundle sleeping in her arms. She still can't believe it's hers. She can't take her eyes off her, she watches her chest rise and fall regularly and thinks there is nothing more perfect. But then the little one moves slightly in her sleep, unconsciously clutching at her, and that becomes the most beautiful thing in the world.

"She doesn't look like him" she sighs suddenly, meeting Deb's gaze for a second, "I know it's still early to tell, but I was afraid she'd remind me of him right away"

"I can't judge without seeing him. Idea. Let me see him"

"What?"

"You want me to lie to you? Because if so she looks just like you"

"You're... take my phone" she sighs checking the little girl in her arms again before accepting the phone and typing something on it. "Here"

"Girl you banged this guy?!" Evelyn laughs heartily at the girl's expression, before grimacing at the discomfort she feels.

"Don't make me laugh!" the girl puts on an innocent smile before Ben walks through the door with a vase full of flowers in his hand.

"What are you girls talking about?"

"Nothing" Deb is quick to reply turning off the phone screen making Evelyn giggle silently.

"Are those for me?" the girl decides to change the subject by pointing at the vase with her head.

"Yeah. From the team"

"Oh how cute! Please thank everyone for me"

"Sure. Oh come here little one, come to you uncle Ben" Ben is quick to approach the bed once he has placed the vase somewhere.

"Ben she's sleeping, please" she scolds him but he takes the baby anyway, sitting down on the chair next to the bed and arranging the cover wrapped around that little bundle.

"She can very well do that in the comfortable arms of her favourite uncle, can't she?! Yes, she can!" he cooed and she gave up, she thought she was the crazy one but her brother totally outdid her. Totally lost for that little girl.

"You're also the only one, it's not like she has a choice in the matter" Deb teases him while Ben opens his mouth wide in mock indignation before shaking his head.

"I'm the only one? I mean his family, have you ever met them?" asks Ben after a while and Evelyn shakes her head.

"No, it had been too short a time for the introduction to the families I told you. I think he has a brother, but for all I know he might not even have told them" interrupting that moment is the little girl who frowns slightly before starting to cry, obviously bringing everyone's attention back to her.

"There she is, my beautiful niece. Hi" Ben cooed distractedly running a finger along the little one's face, but she began to cry more and more determinedly forcing Ben to leave her in Evelyn's hands.

"I think she's hungry. Ben could you please leave for a sec?"

"Please, we took baths together when we were little"

"We bathed together when my chest was still flat, now please get out" she retorts rolling her eyes, stroking one of the little girl's legs asking her for a little more patience.

-

"Deb, where's Ben? Don't think he could be upset for earlier"

"Nah he's probably on the phone. He's too whipped to your daughter to be away for her" she commented sarcastically as she walked around the room with the baby in her arms, making Evelyn laugh. She hadn't seen him since she kicked him out of the room to breastfeed the baby, and it had been a while. She could already imagine him outside the door, peeking in every few minutes, impatient to get back in, but as always her brother managed to do the opposite of what she thought.

"I'll phone him anyway, let's see where he is" she murmurs, picking up the phone, but she doesn't have time to unlock it when Ben finally returns. And he's not alone.

"Mom?" Evelyn murmurs in disbelief as tears immediately cloud her vision and the woman in question quickly approaches her, wrapping her in her arms and bursting into tears as well.

"I'm late, I'm late. I'm so sorry"

"Mom, mom. It's okay"

"No it's not, I was so horrible and unfair to you"

"I love you" Evelyn holds her mother tightly stopping her rant, there will be a place and time to clear the air. Right now the important thing is something else.

"Do you want to meet your granddaughter?" the woman wipes away her tears as best she can, leaving a kiss on her daughter's forehead before nodding. And the baby in the meantime has gone into her grandfather's hands who has taken the opportunity to cuddle the newcomer without any hurry.

"My baby had a baby" she murmurs, the emotion evident in her voice as she manages to hold her granddaughter in her arms for the first time.

"What's her name?" it's her father's turn to hold her and kiss her and whisper how proud he is of her, which makes her emotional again on that eventful day.

"Cecilia, Cecilia Chilwell"

"Well welcome to the family, Cece"

-

She's finally alone after that long day full of emotions. No one would have wanted to leave, but Evelyn had played the 'it's my day' card and asked everyone quietly to go and rest. The nurse had taken little Cecilia to the nursery anyway and she was fine, plus visiting hours would be over soon so better to leave before they were kicked out.

And she should probably follow the advice given to the others and rest but she can't. She is still struggling to process everything that has happened, still excited and incredulous at having given birth to a small, defenceless baby girl. To have held her in her arms, inhaled her perfume, watched her sleep, felt her delicate skin in contact with her own. Her daughter has twelve hours. Just... unbelievable.

A knock on the door makes her shift her gaze from her belly, no longer the size of a balloon, and she is already ready to scold whoever it is that has returned when she sees who is there. A smile paints on her face before her hands go to cover her face.

"What are you doing here?"

"Uncle Ben was too excited not to let the whole world know he became an uncle" Jack smiles as he enters the room.

"You shouldn't have come, I'm not decent at all"

"Doesn't matter and congratulations, I hope you don't mind but I went to see her first. She's beautiful"

"Only fair" she murmurs as Jack pulls the chair closer to the bed and sits down.

"How are you feeling?"

"A little bit sore. Tired. Excited mostly. I have a little girl, I still can't believe it" Jack smiles sweetly.

"I brought you something" Jack leans slightly to the side, under Evelyn's disbelieving gaze, to pick up an envelope he'd placed on the floor when he'd sat down.

"Jack, you shouldn't have-"

"Shut up and open it" and she looked at him for a few seconds before finally deciding to open that package, finding a small blanket inside. A cot blanket. Grey, soft, just gorgeous.

"I don't know if you ended up buying it, but still, it's better to have more than one isn't it?"

"It's beautiful, thank you. I'm sure Cece will love it" and she goes to take the other one too, but it's heavier than the one she already took from the bag. And bigger too she can see.

"That one's for you"

"You bought us two matching blankets?" she asks incredulously, her heart beating wildly in her chest.

"Yeah like... so you know you two can match" he murmurs, embarrassment coloring his cheeks slightly.

"I... I don't know what to say. I'm not gonna cry" she chuckles before taking a deep breath and looking at him, "Thank you so much Jack, that's a very nice thought"

"Come here" Evelyn spreads her arms wide before her brain can kick in, and Jack is quick to catch on and wrap his arms around the girl's torso, gently, careful not to hurt her. Satisfying the silent desire of both of them.

"Mum came at the end" she states smiling as he sits on the bed carefully.

"I told you it would only take time"

"Well it's all but settled but it's a first step" Evelyn shrugs as their attention is caught by a nurse knocking on the door without adding anything else making Jack sigh.

"I should go. The nurse only gave me five minutes" he says pointing with a thumb behind him.

"You should have called, I'm sorry you came all this way for practically nothing"

"Well it only means I'll see you again soon then" he leans in to leave a kiss on her cheek before approaching the door.

"Jack?" Evelyn calls back to him and he turns around when he's already outside the room, his chest half resting on the doorframe. "Text me when you get home"


	13. Chapter 13

Discharging day, she's finally going home with her baby where her new life as a mum will really begin. She's excited, she can't wait, but she also feels so much anxiety. Is she ready for real life?

Ben and his mother are with her to help with the last few things, the last few papers to sign. Or rather, correction, her mother is helping her. Ben has Cece in his arms, as always, and he's watching a game. Aston Villa is playing and Evelyn has found herself staring at that screen a few times as she tidies up and makes sure she doesn't leave anything in that room. Just to make sure their captain wasn't sleeping on his feet obvious, despite it being a couple of days since his brief visit.

"Look at them! Come on guys get off your asses, this isn't a hotel" their mother enters the room rolling her eyes, watching her kids almost hypnotized by the TV just like when they were little.

"Can't we at least wait until the end of the first half?" clearly teases her Ben, the grin on his face proving it as the woman glares at him.

"All set?" Evelyn nods at the clipboard the woman is holding in her hands.

"Yeah. You got everything?"

"Um yeah, we're ready" she looks around one last time before nodding.

Ben then gently places the little one in the carrier on the table, hooks the belt and adjusts the blanket for her. "Okay, we're ready to go" he brushes her little nose with a finger before grabbing the handle of the carrier and leading the way to the car park.

It takes them longer than expected to get home, Ben so careful that an old lady has walked past them twice. On foot. A pink cockade waited for them in front of the gate, Deb and her father in front of the front door instead despite the slight breeze that began to blow.

The little girl closed her eyes almost halfway, frowning slightly only when a car had passed by, honking mercilessly, but still resting. It's always Ben who carries her in and Evelyn lets the others have a moment with the newborn for a few minutes, before taking her into the room for the first time and setting her down in her cot where she'll definitely be more comfortable.

"Tired?" she nods to her mother as she sits down on the bed, her gaze immediately ending at the crib.

"I want to sleep but I don't want to take my eyes off her" she confesses and the woman laughs.

"You'll get used to it"

"You know I'm so proud of you, don't you?" the woman sighs after a moment going to sit next to her.

"Mom"

"No I know it's not the time, we'll talk about it when you've recovered a bit. I just... I don't want you to think anything different. Because that wouldn't be true"

"I love you mom" is the only thing she manages to say before letting the woman's arms wrap around her and rest her head on her shoulder.

That was perhaps the thing she had missed most, being with her mother but not having to do anything. Just being each other's company. The first days she had left home, Evelyn didn't want to show that the suddenness of the separation hurt, that she missed everyone. She wanted to be strong even though she cried every time she heard her mother's voice on the phone. Few times she had returned home, the journey between different cities didn't exactly allow for touch and go. But in any case, time passed too quickly for her liking, she didn't even have time to enjoy a breakfast like in the old days before she was back in the house she still found hard to see as her own. Then the routine had taken over and the calls had started to not hurt so much, she had started to realise that she could do it, that it wasn't so bad and that it would all be better those times when she came back. Funny to think that knowing she was going to screw it all up from there.

"You're going to keep her here with you?" her mother interrupted the pleasant silence as Evelyn straightened up, the position not quite fitting at that moment.

"Yes, where else"

"There are plenty of other rooms here you know, your brother doesn't really need them" the woman rolls her eyes in saying that and something in her tone of voice makes Evelyn chuckle. She remembers how the woman had tried to keep her son's feet on the ground in his search for a house because he didn't need all those rooms. He had always been much more determined than she was and when he was sure of something he hardly let others talk him out of it. He had stated that each room would be filled with something: jerseys exchanged during matches, trophies, a gym. A child, his mother had added, and he had brushed it off, but she was sure that from that moment he had started to think about the layout of the rooms in a different way.

"I mean it's fine for the first few times, we all do it. But you need to rest Eve and before you say anything no, you won't be able to sleep properly with the baby in the same room as you trust me"

"I'm on my own mum"

"That doesn't mean she doesn't need a room to herself" the woman retorts and Evelyn sighs. 

"I'm not planning on staying here forever mum. As soon as I'm feeling better I'm going to get a job and we'll get settled"

"I'm not talking about the future, I'm talking about when you want to let her sleep on her own. When she's crying all night, what are you going to do?"

"I'll do it somehow mom. I don't want to impose myself here" Evelyn says harshly and the woman stops with her questions, looking at her softly.

"Oh honey, you know you can come home if you want to"

Evelyn scoffs, "And how would that be different from living with my brother?"

"The difference is that I would be with you and I could help you with everything if you wanted to"

"Mom, thanks for that but no. Don't take it personally. But I want to do it my way"

The woman sighs then, squeezing her knee, "It's fine, just remember that you're a human being too"

Evelyn's gaze falls on the crib, where her baby is sleeping peacefully. She has no intention of adding anything else and the woman understands it because she gets up announcing to go and prepare something to eat. And she doesn't have time to think properly about what her mother told her anyway, that Ben enters the room with a package in his hand.

"How are you?" he asks sitting down across from her, "Have you girls talked?"

"No but we will. Right now I'm just glad she's here, even though she's already gotten on my nerves twice"

Ben chuckles, "I reckon all mums do that a bit. You know, how to give advice because they've been through it and all that stuff. It's just the beginning"

"Thanks, you're the best" she smiles sarcastically as he shrugs.

"What's that?" Evelyn nods at the package the boy had set to the side and he hands it to her.

"It's for her"

"Ben, we said-"

"Shut up and open it" Ben shrugs it off and she shakes her head lifting the lid off that box.

"Ow how cute is this" she murmurs pulling out a teddy bear. It's brownish with a white belly, with a small grey scarf around its neck. Evelyn absentmindedly strokes it with a smile on her lips, clutching it to her chest. 

"It reminded me of the ones we had when I saw it, so now she has one too"

"Thanks, that's... really nice" she spreads her arms wide and Ben leans in slightly to hold her close.

"I've actually got something for you too, a question actually"

"Sure. Go ahead"

"Do you wanna be her godfather?" the question really took him by surprise, he wasn't expecting it and for a moment he doesn't know what to say. Or rather, his brain has been screaming yes for a few seconds already but his mouth still needs a few moments to connect.

"I just can't think of a better person. You're ambitious and good hearted and a great example to follow. And you're my brother. You've been my anchor so many times and since I've come back even more so and I know you can be that for Cece too, no matter what happens to her. I've never made a righter decision in my life"

"Okay okay, I'll say yes before you make me cry" Ben interrupted her softly, standing up with his back to her and taking the opportunity to wipe his eyes.

"Wait. There is one condition though Ben"

"Which is?"

"Don't exaggerate. She doesn't need expensive clothes at three months or a car at ten or anything else that hasn't been agreed with me first"

"Okay" he smiles sweetly holding out a hand helping her up.

"I'm serious Ben"

"Yeah, okay. No clothes, no candy, no secret alliances against mummy..."

"Okay the offer is about to be withdrawn" she jokes rolling her eyes but he pulls her close.

"I'll be good"

"I know"


	14. Chapter 14

Evelyn is in the rocking chair with Cece in her arms, she has just finished breastfeeding her and is enjoying the moment by rhythmically rocking that chair, hoping that she will close her eyes again and rest for another couple of hours.

It was her parents’ gift, and after trying it out over the last few days she could say that they were right to insist on it. She would sit there when still asleep she needed to get up in the middle of the night to nurse her or after changing her nappy to get her back to sleep. She had already lost count of how many times she had closed her eyes up there, the gentle rocking kicking in for her too most of the time.

Her gaze wandered around the room, it seemed so much bigger days before. When she hadn't yet had everything turned upside down for the arrival of the baby. But will there ever be a space big enough to neatly store all the things that children require?!

The phone vibrates on the arm of the chair, distracting her from her thoughts, and Evelyn peeks at the colour of the dot at the bottom to see if it's important or not. It's blue, the colour she has set for WhatsApp messages, so she unlocks the screen finding a text from Jack. He sends her a good morning and she smiles before opening the camera and snapping a picture of the two of them. Cece is on her chest, one small hand clasped under her little body and the other open on her breast, the blanket he gave her loosely around her body. Making the keyboard appear she types a quick reply before sending everything.

'Good morning from me and the little early riser'

And even Jack finds himself smiling as he looks at the screen, his fingers moving expertly typing a reply. 'You're a sight for sore eyes' is what's waiting to be sent but for some reason, that message doesn't see the light of day. Jack quickly deletes it almost in fear that she might still see it somehow, in its place something lighter.

'That's not fair! I don't want to go training now' a desperate emoticon at the end representing the state he really is in at that moment. Between her and Ben he now has more than a few pictures to look at, but the ones Evelyn sends him are always so intimate that he seems to have taken them himself.

'Come on'  
'Cece can't wait to fall asleep watching you play' he sends her tons of laughing faces in response as she puts the little one back in her cot to let her rest more comfortably and once she's sure she's actually sleeping, she closes the door behind her and heads into the kitchen.

"Hey mum, good morning"

"Hey, morning. I was just about to bring you some tea, I heard you were awake" she smiles at the woman as she sits down at the table, her hands immediately warming around that hot mug.

"Rough night hm" the woman states as she sees her yawning around the cup, she still remembers when the girl used to look exactly the same but because she had spent the night on books. And instead now she has a baby girl, still can't get over it sometimes if she stops to think about it. Despite the fact she's held her, rocked her and really seen it with her own eyes.

"I guess I still has to catch my rhythm"

"Oh that's nothing yet"

"Mom... how you used to do with me and Ben together. I mean it's-"

"Tiring?" the woman giggles taking a sip of her tea, "yes it is, but you really weren't that much work to be honest. You only made some noise when you were hungry, most of the time it was like I really only had that needy brother of yours" Evelyn giggles imagining a little version of Ben looking for attention, which wasn't too hard to tell the truth knowing him.

"But you do make it work, little by little you get to know your kids. What they like, what they don't like, what settles them down quicker... and you compromise inevitably"

"It's just that I'm so scared. Because I think about what I can give her. I still had to find myself and now I'm a mum, with other responsibilities and other priorities. She only has me and I don't want her to miss the male part. Like yes there's Ben and dad but it's not the same" 

"I won't lie to you, your dad has always been very supportive. Kids take time, sleep, energy and most of the time having someone to complain to, who understands you, is nice. But you'll get through it, a lot of people do it and very well too, and you'll be one of them. I'm sure of it"

"Besides, you're not eighty, you've got a whole lifetime to get back on your feet" the woman says wisely as Evelyn gets up to put her cup down in the sink.

"It's still too early to think about something like that" she speaks still with her back to the woman.

"I know darling, and I also know that you find it difficult now to think about a future. But always remember that to make your child happy, you have to be happy first. She has to be your priority of course, but you are just as important. You have to take care of yourself and your heart as well"

"That's the second time you've said that to me already" the girl points out and the woman smiles slightly.

"So hopefully it'll get into your head at least" and Evelyn can do nothing but roll her eyes.

"I wish I'd had these conversations with you sooner. I'm sorry for everything, for how I acted and for letting you down first of all" the atmosphere suddenly becomes more serious as the woman opens her eyes wide in disbelief.

"What? No Evelyn... listen. I'm the one who needs to apologize, my reaction was perhaps too strong"

"Yeah but..."

"And I'm sorry, for everything. I know I added myself unfairly to the problems you already had instead of... understanding you and I'm sorry" Evelyn remains silent, she doesn't want to tell her it's okay because she was so hurt by all of it. But at the same time she would like to put it all behind her because she's there now and the rest doesn't matter.

"Things were fine, you know. I had a job, a relationship. And when I found out I was pregnant it wasn't really the end of the world, because I had him and I was making my own life after all so it was normal"

"And I wanted to call you, I really did. I was going to. But then I found myself with no job, no home, no one by my side. And I didn't do it thinking I kind of deserved it because you warned me and I-" Evelyn takes a deep breath, a sudden knot in her throat and a weight on her chest that hurts. As her mother shakes her head, a lone tear rolling down her cheek.

"I'm sorry" the woman admits in a trembling voice, "I'm sorry I didn't support you from the beginning. I regret not telling you from the start how proud I was of you sweetheart and letting my worries get the better of me"

"It was hard enough with your brother away, and I always selfishly thought you wouldn't leave. I let my feelings, my beliefs get the better of me. And when I saw you again that day, pregnant and so scared, my whole world fell apart. I'm not proud of what I said or did that day. I was wrong again and I can never go back and make it right" the woman's cheeks are full of tears, sobbing at the end of her speech. Her hands covering her face in shame and not noticing Evelyn coming up to her and holding her close.

"There's no need mum. Now as never before I've realised how similar we can be sometimes, and with Cece now I'm starting to realise so much in so short time. Now we just need to try and forgive ourselves for all of this. We're okay and I love you, as much and more than before"

"I love you too, honey"

"You're leaving today then?" Evelyn sniffs loosening her grip on her mother allowing her to stand up.

"Yeah, we can't settle down here" the woman nods, "but we'll probably be back over the weekend. I have a daughter and a granddaughter who need some cuddling at the moment"


	15. Chapter 15

Evelyn opens her eyes with a sigh, it's 6.43 according to her phone and she would have gladly gone back to sleep if she didn't have to go to the bathroom. Puffing, she forces herself out of bed and especially out from under the covers, and the moment she puts her feet on the floor, they touch a soft surface.

She flinches at first before looking with her own eyes at what is on the floor. It's the pillow she had placed on her daughter's right side when she had brought her into bed with her a few hours earlier. A sense of panic suddenly runs through her body as she remembers, looking for the baby quickly across the room and leaving just as quickly when she finds no trace.

Evelyn suddenly stops once in the living room, when her eyes focus on her brother and daughter lying on the couch. A sense of relief runs through her as she brings a hand to her still racing heart and she approaches the two. Ben is murmuring something to the little one and smiles at her when he notices her.

"Look, mum's woken up too"

"Ben you can't do that. I was scared to death" Evelyn runs a hand over her face watching Ben sit up and then doing the same, a small caress to her daughter who sighs in her uncle's arms.

"Sorry. I just came by to check on you and she was awake, I just wanted to let you get some more rest"

"And I appreciate that, I just... I don't know I got scared. I thought she had fallen or something" Ben chuckles lowering his gaze to the little girl and gently stroking her back.

"Besides, I wanted to say goodbye to her before I have to go"

"You won't even be gone two days" she rolls her eyes sarcastically, but the sweet smile on her face says otherwise.

"It makes me nervous thinking of you two here alone" Ben shrugs as if to justify himself, after two consecutive home games it was time for Ben to travel for an away one. Getting away wasn't in his plans, a part of his brain had completely erased every away game for some reason. He wanted to give his sister all the support he could at the moment but still he knew she would be in good hands in his absence. Or so he thought.

It had turned out that Deb wouldn't be there, a seminar booked long and long ago that she had to attend; their parents wouldn't be able to join her, a gathering that Evelyn had insisted they go to anyway because she would be fine. He had no doubt of that, but that hadn't stopped him from worrying anyway. He'd been on the verge so many times of calling in sick or just making up a last-minute emergency, but he knew deep down they'd be fine. He just had to convince himself of that and focus on something else, the game for example.

"Ben I appreciate your concern but it had to happen sooner or later and we need it. No mum or dad, no you or Deb. Just me and my little girl"

"And if anyone shows up uninvited by me, they will be kicked out. Clear?" Ben nodded with a sigh under her glare, leaving a kiss on the top of the little one's head before leaving her with Evelyn and getting up to gather his things.

"I didn't know you were a separation anxiety kind of guy" his sister teases him to distract him as he glares at her.

"I wasn't, until I met her" he admits and the two exchange a smile before Ben goes to get his suitcase from his room.

"Just be sure to call when you get there. And don't think too much about us, we'll be fine" she murmurs hugging him and leaving a kiss on one of his cheeks.

He nods before bending his knees slightly and coming face to face with Cece and grabbing her small hand, "Don't let mum get too tired, I know she'll always be there for you" he gives her one last kiss on the forehead before grabbing his suitcase and closing the door behind him.

"We'll be fine, promise" she murmurs leaving a kiss on the baby's little head who must have sensed something as she starts to whimper slightly.

-

She's travelling in a parallel universe where she is witnessing what her life would have been like if she hadn't decided to come back. Not a single person in sight, the television on but the volume is almost non-existent, the silence within the walls of the house is broken only by the little one's cries and she is trying to understand why, having eaten and with a fresh nappy, those cries are increasing rather than stopping. No one to call, no one to disturb, just her to do everything and to remember to take care of herself and feed herself. Or she has the feeling that she'll start whining like her daughter at any moment.

"What do you say, can mommy eat something?!" she coos but doesn't even finish the sentence that the doorbell rings. "Apparently not"

And she sighs before staring at the door wondering who it is, she swears if Ben really did send someone he better not come home. But when she opens the door, she's just as stunned.

"Hi"

"What are you doing here? Wait he didn't send you, did he? Ben" Jack chuckles, shaking his head, a confused expression on his face.

"Why would he?"

"I'm alone, he's worried" she cuts it short, suddenly realising he's still outside. "Please, come in" she quickly moves away from the door so he can come in and not let the little girl in her arms get too cold.

"Got it. Anyway no, I can assure you I knew he wouldn't be there but he didn't mention anything else" she nods as she leads him over to the couch where they sit not far from each other. Evelyn settles Cece better in her arms and she smiles slightly, which makes her smile too.

"She's grown so much" the girl looks away from the little girl to bring her gaze to Jack, for a moment their gazes meet before Jack is totally captured by the little girl absentmindedly bringing a hand to her face. "Everything looks different from the pictures"

"Yeah, photos don't have sound" she jokes as she removes the hand from the little girl's face for the umpteenth time, she's already scratched herself enough with those nails.

"Do you want to hold her?"

"Can I?" he responds immediately, almost incredulous that he was asked. As if somehow he wasn't trustworthy of having a baby, that baby, in his arms.

"Yeah. Come on" it's not the first time he's held a baby in his arms but it feels like it. They're all so fragile, he's afraid of hurting her maybe by using too much force and not realizing it. But at the same time that feeling of omnipotence when she doesn't complain but lets him hold her is priceless. And so as soon as he has her in his arms, as soon as she settles down and seems to study him with those curious eyes, he can't help but smile at her.

He looks at Evelyn for a moment as if to say 'look at that smile, she's not crying! She likes me, she likes me!' before letting the little one tightens her small hand around his index finger. And Evelyn watches them, trying to capture every little detail of that scene in her mind. From the smile on Jack's face, to the way he seems to wrap his arms around her, to the way her little girl looks at him curiously. If she had gone blind at that very moment, she would have been glad to have been able to see that as her last real image.

"Can I take advantage of that since you're here, to go make some food? I'm starving"

"Yeah, yeah sure"

"Do you want anything? Have you eaten yet? Of course not, you're here"

"Oh don't worry about me, I'll get something when I get home"

"Uh-uh no way. The least I can do since you're here is making you lunch"

"Okay then... what should I do?"

"Just stay there, watch some TV I don't know...make yourself at home. All I need is free hands and a few minutes" and Evelyn disappears into the kitchen so fast that Jack can't retort or say anything else for what it's worth. In a moment it's just him and the little one in his arms and all he can do is focus his gaze on her again taking his time to study her as well.

-

"Um I don't know if it's good but she fell asleep" Evelyn turns around startled, Jack had been so quiet she hadn't heard him come in. He seems to notice and apologises slightly but she shakes her head as she moves closer and notices with her own eyes that indeed Cece is sleeping placidly in his arms and won't wake up if they put her down.

"Can you take her to her room?" she murmurs before walking past him and letting him follow her in there even though he knows the way. She watches him gently place her in her cot and cover her with the blanket placed just beyond and continues to have her gaze directed there even as Jack approaches her with the clear intent of leaving the room.

"What? I thought you said that-"

"It happens with Ben too, that she falls asleep pretty much in no time when she's in his arms. And it makes me think that well... that maybe she needs a male figure?"

"Or that she doesn't like you" she instinctively pokes him in the chest and he laughs and they inevitably make a bit of a mess but the little girl doesn't seem to care. Jack waves her off anyway and they walk away from it.

"Don't do this to yourself, I mean it. Children are in charge. When they want to sleep no matter who's holding them, they fall asleep"

"You mean you guys don't have any tricks?"

"I mean it's more your problem than hers at the moment, she certainly doesn't make a distinction"

"I know" she sighs lowering her eyes for a moment, "Come on, let's go eat something"

"Hey" Jack stops her by the arm making her turn towards him again, "I know what your worries are and probably with Cece here now they've only gotten bigger. But that little girl still doesn't know how lucky she is to have you as her mother, Ben, your parents back in the picture... she won't miss anything because she'll only be surrounded by the people who really love her"

And me. If she ever needs anything she can count on me too. He would love to add that but can't as he looks into her eyes, the hand on her arm going to position itself along her waist. His other hand goes up higher instead, stroking her cheek lightly with his thumb. One of Evelyn's hands is immediately on his, he feels her thumb make the same movements on the back of his hand. And he smiles slightly before pulling her close to his chest and holding her close. When her arms tighten around his figure as well, Jack sighs.

"Come on, I seem to remember someone was starving" Evelyn almost moans before pulling away from his chest, taking his hand and dragging him into the kitchen.

-

It's all so beautiful, magical she would dare say. They had eaten, chatted, bickered because Jack had insisted on washing the dishes - Evelyn had gotten the better of them and so Jack had gone to check that Cece was still asleep. It all seemed so normal, so ordinary.

But a small voice in Evelyn's brain had been fighting to come out ever since she'd opened the door hours ago and found Jack standing in front of her. She'd managed to push it aside until that moment, letting Cece steal the show or just enjoying the moment. She'd held back because she hadn't wanted to ruin everything, Jack had driven till there to visit her - again - and she hadn't wanted to risk it all ending before it had even started. But the more time passed the harder it became to ignore that voice, needing a few answers to silence it.

"Can I ask you something?" and sitting on the couch not far from each other, the question couldn't help but be asked. She doesn't know when Jack plans to leave and doesn't want to take the chance frankly.

"Yeah sure" Jack is quick to nod as he looks at her, his elbow resting on the back of the couch making sure he can support his head on his hand.

"What-" Cece's sudden cry startles her as she glances at the nearest clock, ending that brief moment of courage. "Ugh forty minutes. I should have called her clock" she comments sarcastically making Jack chuckle.

"I'll go if you want"

"Ah no, she'll definitely be hungry. I'll be right back" she stands up then quickly disappearing from his sight.

Jack sighs. He knew sooner or later that moment would come, he has come to know Evelyn over those months, he knows she has to try and explain everything. Keep everything under control on the outside to try and give an explanation on the inside too. And indeed he is almost surprised that it didn't happen sooner.

However, he doesn't know whether or not to thank the child at that moment. He is certainly aware of what he's doing, but unlike her he does not think much before doing something. He acts more on instinct, guided by his feelings, and then stops to think. And it can go right, it can go wrong, but he's learned not to live too much in his head and he's never had to deal with any major consequences up to that point.

He gets up from the couch, trying to shake off that sense of sudden agitation, and starts wandering around the room, stopping in front of those framed photos that represent good times in Ben's life and for which his friend has inevitably earned lots of teasing. Jack stops in front of one photo in particular, a picture of Ben and Evelyn as children. The two siblings have their arms around each other and are smiling happily. He remembers the laughter that came out when he saw it the first time, his mother would have loved a picture like that. She had promised them who knows how many ice creams to be still and quiet just for the moment of a photo, but in the end on the wall had ended up the one in which one of his brothers was intent on jumping on his shoulders, his sister facepalming herself. A photo that was certainly imperfect to unfamiliar eyes, but it had always been his favourite because despite everything there wasn't a person portrayed there without a smile on their face.

"You want to know why I'm here?" he speaks pretending for a few more moments to study those frames as he sees the reflection of her looking back at him.

"I just- you come to the hospital late at night, you show up here knowing Ben isn't here... and please don't get me wrong, I'm so grateful that you're here or about everything else. But I want to know what you're doing. What we're doing. I put myself in it really because I don't know what I'm doing"

"Why didn't you tell Ben about us?" he asks instead and the question catches her by surprise.

"Us?"

"About the fact that we talk almost every day, that we're...friends"

"I-I don't know. I guess it never came up" she says absentmindedly, placing the baby in the carrier next to the couch and then sitting down and looking back at him not far away. "I guess I didn't want to be asked many questions"

"It's the same for me. I just- I don't want to explain too much just yet"

Somehow during all those months they had implied they wanted to keep everything to themselves. Texts, conversations and everything. They had kept their relationship hidden as if it were forbidden, almost as if someone might have objected to whatever that was, with the true and only intention of savouring it without intrusion as much as possible. They might have already been aware of it or continued to pretend they didn't understand, but by the end of the day they had done the same thing unconsciously.

"I want to do what I feel. But I definitely don't want to push you into doing something you don't want to do" in a moment he's on the couch, sitting across from her. He reaches out with the intention of placing a hand on her leg and giving her some comfort but he thinks better of it and stops it just before he can actually touch her, withdrawing his hand and placing it on his own leg instead.

And then it's a moment, he feels his shirt being tugged slightly and his lips against Evelyn's. It doesn't take him long to realize and return that kiss, his hands going almost automatically to wrap one around her waist and one at the base of her neck. And that's what makes her wince and pull away. When their gazes meet again he can catch a sudden flash of panic in her eyes when what she's done finally sinks in. And he already inevitably understands how it will end.

He's not surprised in fact when she stands up putting even more space between them, when she asks him to leave.

"No" he thunders in a firm voice, "I don't want to. I can't just leave you like this Eve"

"Please" she murmurs running her hands through her hair and tugging at them slightly, "god I wish I had never met you" she thinks aloud and something inside him breaks even though he knows she's talking out of panic, even though only moments before she said otherwise.

He tries to move closer but she reaches her hands forward putting space between their bodies, "Please, please Jack. Just go. I'll be fine" she pleads softly and he stays in place for a moment pondering what to do before giving up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took a whole week and something more for me to finally be satisfied with this chapter. In fact, I'd like to take this opportunity to apologise in advance if I miss any appointments from now on, I have run out of chapters and it's not exactly the most ideal time to write at the moment. But I'll try. Anyway hope you like it! x


	16. Chapter 16

"Your daughter stole my boyfriend"

"Your boyfriend stole my daughter" she replies back before the two girls look at each other and a small giggle escapes Deb's lips.

"Although I have to admit he's so cute"

"Makes you wanna have one?!" jokes Evelyn sitting at the kitchen table smiling mischievously.

"Absolutely, mh-mh" Deb shakes her head dismissively, "No offense but your brother and I aren't there yet"

"He might have changed his mind"

"Did he say anything?" the girl asks suddenly panicked but Evelyn only shrugs. "I mean... look at him"

The girl shifts her gaze back to her boyfriend and a sweet expression immediately paints on her face. Ben was watching the tv, rhythmically stroking the back of his niece, who was enjoying the attention quite happily, and only a few minutes before he had fallen asleep. The two of them made a pretty picture, Evelyn had just found the perfect birthday gift for her brother.

"Well... I mean..."

"It's okay" Evelyn chuckles, "but I'll totally casually remind him to spend some time with you too"

"How kind of you" the girl replies smiling sarcastically, "but remember if you don't see it doesn't mean it won't happen" Deb finishes it all with a wink and Evelyn shakes her head.

"Ew ew okay enough. Enough said" pretending to feel sick, Evelyn gets up from her seat heading to the fridge and opening it only to close it again finding nothing to her liking.

"I need-" the doorbell rings at that moment making her sigh and she heads for the door after signalling to the seated girl to stay where she is.

She then hurries to open the door before the doorbell can ring through the house again, she really should put up a sign like 'sleeping baby. Ring and wait' or something like that. And she really needs to stop going to open doors because every time she finds herself in front of someone completely unexpected and stands speechless.

"Hi" he murmurs passing a hand behind the back of his head slightly embarrassed as she leans over to the clothes rack next door grabbing the first jacket she finds and making her way out closing the door behind her.

"What are you doing here?"

"You don't live in your house anymore and you don't answer your phone so-"

"There's a reason, Lucas" she interrupts him coldly crossing her arms over her chest after putting on that jacket. "You can't just show up after months and...and then how the hell did you know where I was?"

"I know a lot about you Evelyn" he states sighing almost regretfully and the girl rolls her eyes, "True, unfortunately"

"Don't do that, don't put up this wall with me" the boy runs a hand through his hair, "I know I was a complete idiot but I got scared and freaked out. Can you blame me?" Evelyn doesn't answer as she lowers her gaze and sighs and he takes the moment to lean in closer.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry and I know I can't go back. But I'm here for you, for the baby and I want to be there for you two no matter what. When the due-"

"Does that look like a nine-month belly to you?" she interrupts him again, her breath dying in her throat as she realises the little space between them. Despite this she looks into his eyes, seeing the moment when he seems to connect what has been said. She sees the flash that crosses his eyes and the incredulous expression on his face.

"It’s already..." he tries to speak but it's all too much in the moment as she nods.

"Your daughter is already almost a month old for what it's worth" he looks at her again as if to make sure he's not teasing her or something before pulling her to him suddenly and kissing her. And Evelyn gets carried away by all that, by the sense of familiarity, before she actually realizes what she's doing and pushes Lucas away.

"What are you doing?"

"Sorry. Sorry I..." he runs a hand through his hair visibly in distress.

"Just... don't try this again" Evelyn mutters with the urge to pull her hair out of her head, why does everything have to be so complicated?

"Can I see her?" he breaks the silence that had been brewing and she opens her eyes wide, that no coming out of her mouth so quickly.

"Evelyn please. I need to see her"

"Need?! You don't need anything, let alone you have any rights to her"

"I'm her father"

"Right now my brother is much more her father than you are"

"Don't be so difficult now, do you think these months have been easy for me?"

"I'm the one who was left alone to carry a pregnancy! So forgive me if I'm hurting your feelings. I'm sorry if I don't trust you anymore" inevitably spirits heat up and inevitably the tone of voice becomes higher as she raises her arms to the sky in exasperation.

"What's going on?" the door suddenly opens revealing Ben with a serious expression on his face. Evelyn can't tell if she's more relieved to see him or worried about how things might turn out now.

"Nothing Ben don't worry, Lucas was just leaving" she then tries not to let her brother step in any further.

"No I wasn't. I'm not leaving if you don't let me see my daughter first" he retorts and the girl holds herself back from screaming right there in that moment at the risk of sounding crazy and instead just rolls her eyes. As Ben steps forward putting himself between the two of them and making the boy take a couple of steps back. He looks him seriously in the eye trying to tell him that he wouldn't let him in either, that there would be serious trouble if he didn't get off his property in the blink of an eye.

"Come on man" he murmurs before realising that no one would be on his side and throwing up his hands in surrender. Ben, protective, doesn't move an inch as the boy about the same height as him shifts slightly to the side to look Evelyn in the eye. "You have my number. Please call me, I'll be in town for a few more days"

-

She had been so stupid. She had convinced herself all that time that she would be alone, that he would never come back into her life or play a role beyond that of the absent father in her baby's life. But he had come back. He had shown up at her doorstep, throwing months and months of progress away, messing up her thoughts and feelings like a tornado. Naively she hadn't prepared herself for that eventuality and had come out exhausted from the endless thoughts that had started running through her head adding to the ones already there, from the questions she needed and wanted answers to, from the opinions of others.

Lucas had inevitably been the topic of the rest of the day. Ben could think far more clearly than she could not knowing him and absolutely did not want him anywhere near his niece because he hadn't been there and didn't deserve it. But Deb had tried to talk some sense into him, arguing that the situation could still work itself out if he really wanted to be part of his daughter's life. That it was okay to give people a second chance. And Evelyn had had to intervene at the end, calming them down, begging them to keep it down because it wasn't worth it. Her daughter's father certainly didn't have the best reputation among her family members, and she certainly wasn't going to let him come between them.

"You will see him again won't you?" Ben shook his head slightly, an almost mocking expression on his face as she rolled her eyes in annoyance at her brother's sudden stubbornness.

"Ben, do you understand that this is my daughter's father we're talking about? It's not easy"

"It was easy for him to leave you both" he states scornfully looking at her.

"If it was up to me alone I would have slammed the door in his face as soon as I saw him. But I definitely don't want to be the cause of a failed relationship between Cece and Lucas, if there could be one"

"Just do whatever you want" Ben brushes everything off with a hand gesture getting up and heading towards his room, and Evelyn really wants to throw something at him but she holds back and instead picks up her phone.

-

The door in front of her opens as if Lucas was waiting behind the peephole as soon as Evelyn arrives on the floor of his room.

"Hi. Thanks for calling me" he smiles moving to the side allowing her and the pram to get inside. She just murmurs something, she would like to sound more confident after all she has the upper hand but a nervous sense in the pit of her stomach makes her feel so stupid.

"I'm sorry, she's sleeping. It's okay if we talk first?" his shoulders loosen slightly but he nods and smiles slightly despite everything signalling her to take a seat on the bed.

"But you can still... see her if you want? Just be careful not to wake her up or she'll get fussy" Evelyn smiles genuinely seeing the boy's reaction, seeing a real smile break out on his face this time as he carefully approaches and leans over the pram.

"Oh my god she's... she's gorgeous"

"Yeah she is" she murmurs watching him turn his head for a moment letting her see his smile before returning his focus to the sleeping baby.

When he reaches her on the bed he still has a smile on his lips as he runs both hands over his face and through his hair pulling them lightly as if to convince himself even more that he isn't dreaming. "Oh I still can't believe she's ours"

"Yeah, it's pretty surreal" she states and as if it's a completely normal thing she reaches out to fix his hair that he had inadvertently messed up moments before.

"They took it... my um house. The job" she says awkwardly suddenly cursing herself immediately afterwards for how embarrassing she is sometimes.

"I'm sorry" he whispers taking her hand between his so casually and caressing it. And Evelyn pulls it away moving her gaze around the room, playing with her knuckles and starting to think that maybe it hadn't been such a great idea to meet in that room alone. But she'd been so unnerved by the argument with Ben when she'd called him that she hadn't given it much thought.

"Listen when I showed up yesterday...I didn't mean to cause you any trouble" Lucas distracted her from her thoughts so she returned her focus to the boy in front of her.

"It was inevitable I guess after all" she shrugs, "my brother... I mean he doesn't like you that much"

"I can imagine why"

"I didn't think you'd come back" she admits then sincerely.

"I didn't either" he replies just as sincerely as her, "it's just that I've been thinking about it a lot these last months and... I don't know, I thought it was the right thing to do"

"I'd like you to be a part of Cece's life, Luke. More than anything. But if you feel forced in any way..." he looked down for a moment before sighing.

"I just want to be there. I wish I'd behaved differently at the time, unfortunately there's no going back. But we can pick up where we left off, maybe sort out my house and-"

"Wait, wait. You're going too fast. If you want to be a part of Cece's life, your daughter's life, you're more than welcome. That's what a mature person would do after all. But don't expect anything else"

"You have someone else?" instinctively Evelyn rolls her eyes.

"I have a daughter. Do you understand it's different than when it was just you and me?"

"So you still love me?"

"Are you listening to what I'm telling you or not!"

"You're not listening to me. I want to make things right between us Eve, for our family"

"You left us, Lucas. You said you didn't feel like raising a child right now. Then you change your mind, come back and think everything can be fixed just like that?" inevitably Evelyn's tone of voice became harsher.

"What can I do to fix this then?" he asks and thankfully Cece comes to the rescue, choosing that very moment to start fussing. Evelyn is quick to get up and put space between the two of them, taking the little girl in her arms and cradling her lightly making her feel her presence. And when she turns to Lucas she can't help but smile, recognising herself in his expression as he looks at the little girl in her arms in amazement and fear.

She sits back down on the bed again and carefully places the little girl in his arms, allowing the two of them to really get to know each other for the first time. She looks at them carefully and emotions she cannot name start to mix inside her.

She is happy for her baby, the road may be long but it seems less dark now. And her heart is beating fast in her chest, but not that fast. She has a lump in her throat, but she can still breathe. And she knows why.


End file.
